Suppose to type these a few days ago…anyway this entry is not dated today…
I was shock by today’s incident. Not really an incident but rather a piece of information. Wrote this while going home on the bus…on paper of course…really feel the need to air it all out. Stress level is still mounting high despite it being the period after exams. Exam results were still not so good on the whole but it’s improving. Progressing. Anyway that’s not the main thing that is affecting me. I’m still in the midst of moderating my performance, as in how much effort put in to certain subjects. What’s for sure is that I’m currently undergoing unbecoming phases of my life…all I’m going to do is just accept it and do whatever I can…
Realize some values during this fasting month. During this period of time. Hmm… maybe that’s not the way to put it. I think it’s more appropriate to say general human behaviour. And it’s sad to see that these things drags in along with them negative connotations. Now I’m really stucked at a crossroad. I dunno whether to give up or do something else…why I say something else here is because I’m left with not many options. Good options that is. Ok..let’s cut the crap…I’m going to spit it all out…
The tension that has been building up in me is not cause by a main major problem. It’s actually small and petite problems which stack up upon each other and it irritates me even more when more is coming in even when I haven’t solve the one currently on hand. If I was as bad- tempered as before, god knows what will happen to me and the people around me.
The first incident which strikes me. Let me give some background info first…I’m usually the one who will be waking up the rest of my family members every morning…so since it’s the fasting month I’ve to wake up earlier…but since the first day of the fasting month I don’t seem to be able to wake up on time…then on this particular day, all of us woke up late and had to rush in eating our early morning meal to prepare for the day’s fast.
And it was like the blame was indirectly placed on me. At that instance, I realize something. I realize that humans rather look at the bad points of others rather than the good ones…it’s like people spotting the black dot on a piece of paper…rather than looking at the white portion around it. I mean I’ve been waking them up for so many days and just because of these few days of not being able to do my task, I’m the one that is to be blame…I admit that I’ve been given chances but I’m trying very hard…
Caught up in some “monetary” problems again. So many things to buy yet so little money. The things that are to be bought are not that essential but I’ve been wanting them quite badly. So as usual, I drew up a plan and try to make ends meet. I always try to buy my own stuff by using my own savings…my own things as in like some school donations and other school stuff, stationery and what so ever…My parents will chip in a little most of the time but majority of the expenses are relied on me…this lead me to realize how my other peers are having such a good life. Maybe not very good but at least I think it’s better than mine…sometimes I wonder, maybe they do better in their studies because they are in a much more ‘comfortable’ living environment than I am, I mean they don’t seem to have so much things to care about and they get most of what they want…Not that I’m being ungrateful with what I have now but this problem creates a domino effect on my other problems. But I’m glad. Glad becuz this makes me more resilient each time. Helps me in coping my other problems better. Shaped me into having a more matured way of thinking.
Note: For the following section, DO NOT spread it or else…
Finally I can touch on what happened today…got to know the 5 UDIs for NCC. Though it’s not confirmed, there’s a high chance that it will not change…I’m not one of them. Honestly I’m disappointed. Very disappointed but what hurts me most is that I feel only 2 out of the 5 deserve it. I mean there are other better sergeants who would fit the post much better. Better leaders who will be able to raise the standard of the unit. Now I’m foreseeing another negative period. The downfall of CSS NCC. I was shocked when I heard the news. I strongly believe that some of them are wrongly chosen. Yes they are my friends but for the sake of justice and the betterment of the unit, this is the truth. I never wanted to say all this but now…my opinion has nothing to do with personal perceptions that I hold upon them outside of NCC…Nevertheless, I was so called “enlightened” and realize what’s the meaning behind the wise words,” rank is just a piece of cloth”. Now I truly understand it. A person’s rank lies within the respect given by the men. It is also base on the quality of the people under him. The men under him represents his rank. A high rank can be a piece of shit with the absence of respect. I’ve also come to realize that it’s not the rank that matters. It’s how much value that is in that rank. It’s like a market. The value of a lower rank can be as high or maybe even higher than a rank which is higher. Sometimes mistakes do happen and those who deserve it does not get what they should be getting. I appeal to all out there, whenever you see a person with such a high rank, don’t be too overwhelmed. His rank may cost nothing. Juz a thing to show-off to others. What you should really pay attention to is how the person really is in carrying out his work, how well he works with other people, how much respect he gains and so on. Now, this decision has caused me to have greater pride in my rank although it’s only a 2nd sergeant. When I look at it, I feel proud and even think of outshining the staff sergeants-to-be. When I look at my rank, I can see the value in it, the effort and the amount of sweat to attain it. And I can see how pure it is. Not like some other people who will get their rank in a crook’s way. Some bastards they are…putting on different masks, licking boots…fuck to them…I shall show them that me, a person with a lower rank can do a better job then them. I shall do the best I can to help contribute in stopping the standard of CSS NCC from sliding down…if I can do it I, it even adds more value into my rank. When I pass out later on, I want to leave NCC knowing that I can be proud of myself, knowing that I’ve had contributed a lot even though it’s not written in black and white. Knowing that I’ve caused a better change. Now I shall ignore all the bullshit decision on who’s going to be staff sergeants and what’s going to happen after that …now my target is…to rescue CSS NCC…
::: Rank is what we wear, Respect is what we earn :::
I was shock by today’s incident. Not really an incident but rather a piece of information. Wrote this while going home on the bus…on paper of course…really feel the need to air it all out. Stress level is still mounting high despite it being the period after exams. Exam results were still not so good on the whole but it’s improving. Progressing. Anyway that’s not the main thing that is affecting me. I’m still in the midst of moderating my performance, as in how much effort put in to certain subjects. What’s for sure is that I’m currently undergoing unbecoming phases of my life…all I’m going to do is just accept it and do whatever I can…
Realize some values during this fasting month. During this period of time. Hmm… maybe that’s not the way to put it. I think it’s more appropriate to say general human behaviour. And it’s sad to see that these things drags in along with them negative connotations. Now I’m really stucked at a crossroad. I dunno whether to give up or do something else…why I say something else here is because I’m left with not many options. Good options that is. Ok..let’s cut the crap…I’m going to spit it all out…
The tension that has been building up in me is not cause by a main major problem. It’s actually small and petite problems which stack up upon each other and it irritates me even more when more is coming in even when I haven’t solve the one currently on hand. If I was as bad- tempered as before, god knows what will happen to me and the people around me.
The first incident which strikes me. Let me give some background info first…I’m usually the one who will be waking up the rest of my family members every morning…so since it’s the fasting month I’ve to wake up earlier…but since the first day of the fasting month I don’t seem to be able to wake up on time…then on this particular day, all of us woke up late and had to rush in eating our early morning meal to prepare for the day’s fast.
And it was like the blame was indirectly placed on me. At that instance, I realize something. I realize that humans rather look at the bad points of others rather than the good ones…it’s like people spotting the black dot on a piece of paper…rather than looking at the white portion around it. I mean I’ve been waking them up for so many days and just because of these few days of not being able to do my task, I’m the one that is to be blame…I admit that I’ve been given chances but I’m trying very hard…
Caught up in some “monetary” problems again. So many things to buy yet so little money. The things that are to be bought are not that essential but I’ve been wanting them quite badly. So as usual, I drew up a plan and try to make ends meet. I always try to buy my own stuff by using my own savings…my own things as in like some school donations and other school stuff, stationery and what so ever…My parents will chip in a little most of the time but majority of the expenses are relied on me…this lead me to realize how my other peers are having such a good life. Maybe not very good but at least I think it’s better than mine…sometimes I wonder, maybe they do better in their studies because they are in a much more ‘comfortable’ living environment than I am, I mean they don’t seem to have so much things to care about and they get most of what they want…Not that I’m being ungrateful with what I have now but this problem creates a domino effect on my other problems. But I’m glad. Glad becuz this makes me more resilient each time. Helps me in coping my other problems better. Shaped me into having a more matured way of thinking.
Note: For the following section, DO NOT spread it or else…
Finally I can touch on what happened today…got to know the 5 UDIs for NCC. Though it’s not confirmed, there’s a high chance that it will not change…I’m not one of them. Honestly I’m disappointed. Very disappointed but what hurts me most is that I feel only 2 out of the 5 deserve it. I mean there are other better sergeants who would fit the post much better. Better leaders who will be able to raise the standard of the unit. Now I’m foreseeing another negative period. The downfall of CSS NCC. I was shocked when I heard the news. I strongly believe that some of them are wrongly chosen. Yes they are my friends but for the sake of justice and the betterment of the unit, this is the truth. I never wanted to say all this but now…my opinion has nothing to do with personal perceptions that I hold upon them outside of NCC…Nevertheless, I was so called “enlightened” and realize what’s the meaning behind the wise words,” rank is just a piece of cloth”. Now I truly understand it. A person’s rank lies within the respect given by the men. It is also base on the quality of the people under him. The men under him represents his rank. A high rank can be a piece of shit with the absence of respect. I’ve also come to realize that it’s not the rank that matters. It’s how much value that is in that rank. It’s like a market. The value of a lower rank can be as high or maybe even higher than a rank which is higher. Sometimes mistakes do happen and those who deserve it does not get what they should be getting. I appeal to all out there, whenever you see a person with such a high rank, don’t be too overwhelmed. His rank may cost nothing. Juz a thing to show-off to others. What you should really pay attention to is how the person really is in carrying out his work, how well he works with other people, how much respect he gains and so on. Now, this decision has caused me to have greater pride in my rank although it’s only a 2nd sergeant. When I look at it, I feel proud and even think of outshining the staff sergeants-to-be. When I look at my rank, I can see the value in it, the effort and the amount of sweat to attain it. And I can see how pure it is. Not like some other people who will get their rank in a crook’s way. Some bastards they are…putting on different masks, licking boots…fuck to them…I shall show them that me, a person with a lower rank can do a better job then them. I shall do the best I can to help contribute in stopping the standard of CSS NCC from sliding down…if I can do it I, it even adds more value into my rank. When I pass out later on, I want to leave NCC knowing that I can be proud of myself, knowing that I’ve had contributed a lot even though it’s not written in black and white. Knowing that I’ve caused a better change. Now I shall ignore all the bullshit decision on who’s going to be staff sergeants and what’s going to happen after that …now my target is…to rescue CSS NCC…
::: Rank is what we wear, Respect is what we earn :::