Just some updates.

It has been pretty happening lately. Yesterday watched Step Up 2. Not bad a movie. Dancing can be pretty cool stuff. Went shopping too before the show. Shopped some groceries for the Cambodia trip. And then after movie when going home met some primary school friends at JE. What a coincidence. Hahaz...Anyway one is intending to go America and study medicine the other local uni. Smart people. Haha.

Nothing much to say these few days. Trying to enjoy myself as much as possible. Trying to de-emo myself. But some things just can't be avoided. And some things are just too complicated and not as easy as it seems.

Anyway, this will be last update before the Cambodia trip. Will be flying off on the wee hours of the morning on the 10th of April. Will be expected to land back here on the 19th at 2130hrs. Hope the delay won't be so much when coming back because I have to MRT. Sian. Hope my mp3 still works by then(read:still got battery).

Feeling crappy la these days. But yeah it just means that it'll get better.

Adios.


Note: This is the first entry done in TP! HAHA

Yeah. After what felt like eternity, I finally got my ass up and went down to the stadium for a run. And it was both depressing and stress relieving at the same time. Depressed becaused I was damn slow and the stress relieving part, I leave it to you to figure it out. Self-explanatory I suppose. And since its been months since I last had some serious fitness training, I got all the aches. From arms to the legs and most significantly the heart. After 2 laps, my heart was already racing like mad la. That's when the 'stress' starts to seep in. The more I recall about my past fitness, the more drive I get. How can I come to such a disgusting state as this??? :(


Neverthelesss I'm happy that I stood by my promise which was to run this morning. It was mainly because...well, I'll leave that to your imagination. :)


Timur Cina negeri Nanjing,
Pergi ke sana membelah lautan.
Cinta dihati pantang dikering,
Namun masihkah ia punya harapan?


Just practising writing again. :)

Feeling all weird lately. A few weeks ago, I had these recurrences of static sprinting through me. Felt like some electrical shock or something. For a few days I had to suffer the onset of these weird tinglings( I assure you its more than that; just that I can't find the right word at the moment). Anyway, that's the least of my concerns for now because I don't experience it anymore.


This time I didn't see it coming. I didn't expect anything much. Nevetheless, this heart seems to have a mind of its own. One moment I felt and think its okay, the next minute I'm all restless and worked up. At times its really suffocating. This thing is just exploding, puffing out all inside me. And when it happens, nothing seem to matter. The thoughts just keep ramming, coming crashing inside my head.


I don't want to expect too much lest the higher chances of greater disappointment. Mathematically, expectations are proportionate to amount of disappoinment.


Therefore, I'll just try. I don't want to leave this point thinking, fuck, I should have asked.


So what's the truth?
One sided or double?
A success or a whammy?


Crap. I ain't want history coming back chasing at me. Perhaps the front part of that history. But the remaining let me handle it. Please. Grant me this wish.

I won't say I enjoyed most of it. But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it at all. Being a PC was okay I guess. I did most of the stuff that I set out to do. I don't know about other platoons but I did try putting on high pressure on my guys. Occasionally it happens but what I'm not satisfied is that I don't think I had given enough of it. I find that the platoon still lack the push.


I guess it was my fault because I didn't get myself enough rest. But then again, how much time did I really have. AAR for the day starts at 2230. Ends at least an hour or so later. By the time I finished washing up its around 12. And after which I had some platoon admin stuff to do before I can finally tuck in for the night. That left me with about 4 or at most 5 hours of sleep. I know I usually did sleep that amount of hours outside camp but after a long day's work, I think I need more. Anyway, no excuses la. Next time I'll just try to get more sleep.


I felt damn tired and sleepy most of the time. And so I get irritated damn easily. And I got emo easily too.Its really unbecoming la. Something I need to work on. The course was pretty high on emotions that it reminded me of ADC. It was almost as bad. Anyway, I am just glad that I didn't fuck anybody during the course, be it a CLT or cadet. In fact, I'm the one who felt damn fucked.


Whatever reason it is, its just fucked up.


I do remember that I once said that these days, not only are the cadets fucked up, the teachers are too. Don't worry, CLTs have just joined the club. At one point of time during the course, this statement came into mind: Whatever that can go wrong, had gone wrong. I don't want to elaborate on this la. Just something to take note. Be discreet when talking about the bad side of the CLTs. Watch what,where,when and how you say things.


But the course sort off ended well. God granted my 'last' wish. I couldn't have asked for anything more.


For the course, I think I pity the admin most. I was talking to JY about it one night. We agreed that it was not their fault that the cock ups occur. Its like the whole lot of them are inexperienced. Even though XR has done admin at CF before and did it successfully(as said by Clement), I still think they are not prepared for this one. And its like they are being put in a difficult position: having to meet the standards of the experienced admin members of previous courses but not given enough guidance. Its like being put in a "lan-lan" position. And I guess I really have to apologize for causing the artillery fire on the admin team that night. I didn't mean it of course. All I said was that if the font size could be bigger, it would be easier for PCs. Little did I know such a small comment could trigger to a domino effect of arrow shootings to admin team. Like seriously what the fuck la...its just about the fucking font size. Bloody fuckers...sensitive to oneself but not to others.


This just highlights another point regarding teamwork: Fucking understand other people's position. Yes, people make mistakes and at times it cannot be helped. Just fucking accept it and cover each other's backside la...where's the fucking teamwork when all you want to do is put down others and defend yourself? One word: Self-centred.


I don't know why but I feel emotionally unhealthy attending the course. Somehow I can feel the aura of bad traits like egoism, jealousy, envy, power hungry and etc. And frankly speaking I felt the influence.


Nevertheless, I had seen some good stuff. One vivid one would be the interview process for award winners. The cadets really showed thier passion for NCC to the extent of crying. Boys crying huh. Frankly speaking, I was touched la. Somehow these cadets showed that NCC still produce people who are passionate about what they do. And yeah, I hope these guys will carry on with the same attitude throughou the years. And I didn't expect H to remember what I said to the cadets on the first day, "touch your heart and ask yourself, if you have done your best then the rest doesn't matter."


2Sgt. 3Sgt. SnrCpl.


What the fuck, they are just ranks. You still can make a difference.

Before going off for another camp, would like to blog a little. Will be getting my results for 2.2 this thursday, 13th March. I still remember the other time when I received the results, I was in HQ, involved in another camp. So, I guess its a similar situation. Except that this time I'll be in SISPEC. Anyway, I'm hoping to get very good results la cuz this is the second last time my GPA will depend highly on me. During MP-SIP, other factors will play a bigger role and some are not exactly within my control.


But in the end its still up to me la hor.... :)


Yeah, in the meantime, I'll just focus on the coming camp and help to run it well. I really want to be a PC this time beacuse I have not become one before even though I had hold a post as high as 2IC. If given, my goal would be to fry and grill this people so that when they graduate from the course, they'll be able to lead better and at least learn something. Still sticking to my basic reason for becoming a CLT: to make a difference.

But of course, if not given, than I'll guess I still have to take whatever job that is handed to me. Afterall, they always say, no tasks is too lowly for me.


So yep. Results results results. How is it gonna be?

Watched The Leap Years today at Tampines Mall. I think this is the first local movie that I watched at the cinema. The stroyline and concept is pretty good. Li Lin is still pretty as always and yeah I enjoyed the movie despite the discomfort caused by the cinemas's seats.


I might want to find the novella its based on. Anyway, do catch it.


Before the movie, went to school for OCP preparation. It was alright I suppose. The people seems great to work with. And I was given the job of project IC. Ok la...I don't mind. But I think its responsibilities are pretty heavy. Ouh and I'm also the medic 2IC. So yep. There are preparations that I need to do myself at home. After the Spec Course next week, most days will be dedicated to the project. And just now I was thinking, this coming camp may well be my last activity before my inactiveness steps in. The project will go on till end of April. After which, school will re-open and I will be going for my MP-SIP a.k.a attachment. It will last for 1 sem; all the way till September I think. Hopefully there'll be breaks in between for me to go for NCC activities.


Anyway, before I end off, the movie brought up something that I've been thinking about once in a while. There was this part where Jeremy told Li-Ann something along the lines of, "You're brave and courageous. It's hard to resist the temptation of loving someone for the sake of being with someone. People don't want to be alone."


I don't know. If it's meant to be, then it will be. :)


Edited: Yeah, you look prettier that way. Smiling.

Took up the post as 2IC. It was good working with CM leading the 34 man team. The small hiccups were expected when we set out to decide the people to be included in this camp. About 80% of the instructors came from the latest intake. It was a pretty daring attempt I must say. Of all 6 PCs, 4 were from 54th. Wherelse the higher posts were taken up by seniors.


I think it was nice to see them feeling very enthusiastic and excited about the camp though at some moments, a bit too over-excited. On the whole I think they had done a job well done. There were definitely things that could be picked up and to the new instructors, hope you all learned something and experience the feeling of being a C/Offr.


My post being a 2IC this time was totally different from one of the CF's that I attented holding on to the same post. I felt more lethargic this time round. Somehow I took a more active role in planning and running the camp. It was good practice for me and yes, it gives me more insight of what it takes to be an OIC in a team.

• Dealing with stress from above.
• Dealing with unfavourable situations.
• Dealing with unexpected events.
• Dealing with f-ed up people, be it instructors or cadets.

I had my own fair share of mistakes. And it just proves more on the point that no matter how high you are or how much experience you have attained, there's always that room for improvements. That's why I think we as humans have no right to be arrogant with whatever plus points we have.

I find that there are C/Offrs from the newer batch that have the potential to develop more. Hopefully these people will stay and spearhead the activities in West in the coming times.

I wouldn't exactly say the camp ended in a good note. Because we overlooked something that shouldn't have been overlooked. I felt pretty bad about it and yeah, I will remember it.

A concoction of emotions.