Ya. Loss the freaking game. I know this will make me sound like a sore loser but I sincerely believed that we were damn unlucky. I seriously believed we could have won the game. We had our fair chances at goal. And they had like 4 short corners an all was converted to goals.


I was sub in again for the last 10 mins or so. I was so close to scoring when I missed my first hit. It was a nice pass from Reuben but in the end I flopped it.


I feel sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I obviously wasted my chance and let the team down. But happy because I was that close. That inch close to scoring. Just maybe I might score tomorrow. I seriously hope so la. I really feel excited when playing striker. I love that position alot. :D


Was also happy because I had dinner with majority of the hockey team both boys and girls. It has been a really long time. Though it was just and hour or so, I felt good la. At least the loss of the game wasn't so sore.


Tomorrow is another game. Enjoying it and doing my best is what's most important.


Looking forward towards the game. Against ITE. Will try to score a goal. That's my goal. :)


Shall be hyper tomorrow. It feels great making people laugh. Especially girls. Hehehes :)

Ya. That's how I'm feeling. Actually, I'm too fucked up to even type about this.


I feel deceived being drawn into this place. It doesn't feel like a family at all. Not to all but a few. I guess when God pulls up your strength somewhere, another part is being brought down.


I thought when I commit myself into this, I would actually enjoy what I'm doing. Well, that does not seem to be the case. I realized I am more unhappy rather than happy. Yes, I'm aware of the responsibilities. I'm aware of the burden. But what I do not expect are the constrains that are set.


The job itself is demanding so to speak. Planning ahead. Thinking far. Taking care of EVERYTHING. Wow. It sounds like some honorable job. But in actual fact, a lot of mental and emotional battles takes place. A lot of shit are thrown at you. Crude comments. No understanding or compromises from people that I thought would understand.


I suppose this is a glimpse of the fucked up side of the real world. Which shows the fucked up people of the world.


I don't know if anyone had told you this. Leadership is not in the textbook. Leadership is never a one road only. You have your style and I have mine. Yes, some things are to be done in certain way. But definitely not everything. I have been tolerating your direct and frank remarks. I am not rebutting strongly because I'm trying to accept your feedback in a positive manner. And to tell you the truth, I have little respect for you. No matter how high you succeed in your academic and what not, I still don't see you as an example that I would follow.


I was offered to take up this position. And I was and am still bewildered on why you guys chose me to be in this position. When you guys have only met me for the first time. When you guys know that I didn't even have history regarding these things. And when you threw me into the team, all of us were noobs. Only a few are experienced. And these people don't offer me much help, sometimes even co-operation are hard to get. So, is it wrong that I do things this way? During the interview, I've already mentioned, I am the kind when given the role, I don't see myself as being above the rest. I represent the team. I would like them to provide their own feedback and we work together and decide together as one. Having said along those lines during the interview, J understood what I meant. And now I wonder whether you do.


I don't see them as my slaves for goodness sake. True, they are my subordinates. But I don't push people around. I would like to earn my respect, and not demand it. You guys talk about being family and bonded but if I were to control and order these people, then how can there be a chance to bond. I respect those people who have been around you. For their tolerance on your behaviour. For their understanding. I'm sure you yourself know about this more than anyone else. Because you did mention it before. But what's the use of words when your actions speak a different thing?


I will enjoy more without you around. I will listen to your feedback. That's all I would do. Listen.


I don't want to cause a stir. Because I don't see this place worth fighting for. I'm doing my best here simply because that's how I am. I will see you soon. And I can't promise it will end in a good way. We'll see. Hopefully, my tolerance is still there. Control the outbursts of emotions.


Anyway, congrats on successfully making my mood a little sour tonight. Choose your words wisely. That's all the advice I can give you. But then again, I'm sure you already know that.

Caught it with CM and W. The starting part of the story already sent me into the wow mode. Smart ass freak joker. He got his team members to kill each other during an armed robbery. That's damn cool la. Don't get me wrong though. I'm no supporter for crimes. Neither am I a supporter of betrayals.

18,19,20.21?

Ya. Got double shocked at like 12 plus in the morning. Can't wait for another time to update la.

Anyway, its good and positive shocks.

1st shock: Someone I didn't think would come here actually came here. Wah sneaky eh? HAHA kidding. No issue anyway. Just pleasantly shocked. Can sleep better later. LOL. :D

2nd shock(which came like 15 minutes later): Shol pm-ed me. He told me I was chosen to be OIC for SSC. Wah. Just when I was thinking about it this morning. Actually, if I didn't get also, I don't mind. Cause, this period I'm damn packed with my dip. club stuff. Tired.


Yeah. Little they may seem to be but means a hell lot to me. :)

Although there's allowance given, I still find difficulties handling my money matters. I know its all up to me to control how much I spent and stuff but some things are just necessary from the way I see it.

The only way to cut down is my own food intake. Wherever I can cut I should cut. I cannot spend freely on food anymore. I have to consider the cheapest option.

Sometimes I do think money is everything.

I find socialising a chore. Not the act of interaction with people itself but the activities that are carried out together. Just a simple meal be it lunch or dinner will have a huge impact on my wallet. That's why I feel very agitated and out of place when I'm with my rich friends. I look at them I feel damn sian. They can just watch movies, pretty much every other weekend. They can just spend how mcuh they want on food. And some don't even earn their own money la.

I feel fucking irritated la when going out with these people. It hurts but then again its obviously not their fault that they have money and want to eat good food. That's why I bo pian. I can't say anything. Reality fucking hurts. Reality enjoys taunting me. Crap.

Fuck money la. Fuck temptations.


NOTE: THE FOLLOWING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STUFF I MENTIONED ABOVE.

Went out with peeps from the sportsclass. Went to eat at Marina Square. The food is good la. I like the rice and the tahu goreng I think. Yeah. I enjoyed myself la even though I was feeling rather tired. The whole day I was outside. Morning saw me at school having hockey training. Followed by lunch with hockey boys. Then went to Novena to meet friends to buy birthday present for another friend. Followed by meeting with the 4/3 people for dinner. It seems like we didn't grow from secondary school. It still feels like a class and ya, pretty much like how we were last time. Its hard to believe but time just fly like that. I didn't regret coming. It really feels like home to me. :D Thanks Nicole for organizing!


Yeah I guess that's all. Shall go and rest.

Dreamt of the end of the world yesterday night. Pretty scary. I don't know la. It just seems more possible now. With the on goings around the world. With how things are now. Whatever it is. I don't want to face it. I prefer to die first. But then again, I'm not prepared for either of these. There's so much mistakes I've made that needs correction. So much things to fulfill. I don't want to leave this world tainted with sins. And I find it difficult as it accumalates as the days go by. I'm wondering if I've enough time. As they say, anything can happen to anyone, anytime.

Pardon me for the pessimism. These are just things that are running through my mind.

Let's move on to a lighter note.


Watched WANTED today! Yeah...watched it with my OCP mates. It feels so damn good just to see each other again. Even though it was just for a few hours. Definitely enjoyed myself. The movie was damn nice la but since the beginning I was already thinking, wtf, can like that one meh? Curving bullets intentionally and stuff. Running at light speed. Jumping across a building to another which are like so far apart? LOL.

Anyway, no matter how unrealistic it is I still like it. :D

The catch word of the movie: FUCK.

HEH.


P.S: Going for hockey team selection tomorrow. WISH ME LUCK! ;)