Achieved a state of inner peace recently..I've more control on the intesity of my own emotions..today's entry will be on a lighter note..a few things that i want to scribble...

4th week of year 2005..yet so many things have happened..memorable ones...feel so blessed...

Yesterday had math test. Easy? I guess so...haha..I bet everyone in the class other than me can get full marks..anyway fridays are always short days..as in for studying..after prayers went up to class grab my stuff and went to ncc room..hey i didn't know my juniors know my name..duh..haha..seriously i thought none of them would think of me...i'm not as gregarious as the rest...had physical training..i was asst. pti (physical training instructor for those of you who dunno)..yeah so sweat a lot...did a lot of jumping jacks...honestly i like the shouting part the best...i felt so ''light'' after each time i shout..of course shouting doesn't necessarily means scolding my juniors...

then had to go off for hockey...awww..so sad..i was just starting to enjoy my pt..

in ncc room with johnathan...gearing up for hockey...

john: wah syamil your muscle so big sia..

me: where got..urs bigger wad...aiya..

john: no lah..urs bigger..how u make one? eh exhange hands arh...i want ur hands..

me: aiya..same what..

john: no..the shape different...

me: . . . (dunno wad to say already)

ok lar...frankly speaking i think my muscle has been developing..anyway heck care lar...i'm currently struggling to do 10 pull ups already...used to be so easy...haiz..muz train harder!!!

then go hockey...

6:30 : going home...take 187...alone sia...anyway good cuz I wanted to be left alone..dunno why... then took 243G from boon lay interchange..then met pei yan on the bus..haha..wad the..u netball girls finished earlier go home same time...wad the..haha...oh..before tt..met my fren on the same bus also...then he got his other fren with him..i'll probe into the a-few-seconds-introduction..

my fren's fren: ape khabar? (How are u?)

me: baik..(fine)

my fren's fren: kau sec ape ah? ( u are in sec wad?)

me: sec 4 arh..same macam korang( sec 4...same as u all)

my fren's fren: wah..macam sec 6 seh( wah..like sec 6)

my fren: badan die besar ah...( his body is big)

me: (lost of words..smiled and the move on into the bus cuz got ppl coming in and im blocking the way)

honestly..i dunno lar..but i think i see myself differently compared to other people..i dun think i'm that big right? anyway..this is not the first time such comment came up...then tt time i was in the lift..going for ncc training so i was wearing my full-u..then got this auntie asked me which camp i was in...i was like huh?? camp?? im still in school..wah i feel so proud you know at that time..it was a compliment...one which i will remember...then another time i met my fren's father on the bus..i was coming home from ncc training wearing my ncc uniform then he asked me whether i already signed on...or something littat..then he say " u juz come back from aceh ah?"..I juz smiled lar..dunno wad to say..oh yar i said no lar...haha..becuz now after the tsunami then got relief efforts and you-know-what....

actually currently my ambition is to become a saf officer...i hope i'll achieve my dream..i always tell myself that i'm born to be a soldier..then back up with the incidents above...wow...it's like i can imagine me in that green uniform with my rank on my shoulders...i like the epueallete<----(dunno how to spell..its the thing with the rank put on the shoulder for officers.. ppl wont notice one) best...yeah...maybe now i look like a soldier already...haha.. oh yar..then on the bus 243g juz now i mentioned..saw py..then tok a bit lar...i was like oso damn tired...yar i know u all start tournament alraedy lar..ours start officially on 14th feb..valentines day..but i dun think it's our match lar...then tt time only did i know tt meng qi lives at boon lay..haha..i tot they live near each other..have i told u all the nick name that i gave to some gals in class..it was last year ..then got cheryl, pei yan and meng qi..cheryl i gave her " ah soh" cuz her surname is soh...then meng qi is "ah meng" same name as the monkey in the zoo one but her attitude not like monkey lar...maybe sometimes..hahaha...then pei yan is actually " ah pui" one then i think that that is crossing the line lar..too evil aready so i change to " ah pei" muahahahaha..ok lar i know this name giving thingy is mean lar..sorry hor..its juz somthing to keep me smiling or laughing... ok...going to stop here...oh my..my language today..pardon me fot it.. haha...

::: fun is not just fun-its hope :::

Over-confidence, the sword.
Time, the execution.
High hopes, the blindfold.
I was caught in between,
Unprepared.

The time frame was way too large.
The big flaw.
I should have seen it,
And I did.
But I picked ignorance instead.

Sucks.
Was the feeling.
Air was pulled through my system.
Letting vacumm take its place,
Pressure squeezed my internals.

Sucks.
The very first word,
When fogs of negativity sets in,
When life had other plans,
For me.

Or so I thought.

Then it changes,
Transition,
There was,
Progress.

Pixels was the starting bang.
I can sense you,
Behind those spectrum of colours.
But your presence,
Went only as far as
In my mind.

The words from your lips,
Those little gestures,signs
Tell me, tell me!!!
Are they what i think they are?
Tell me.
They were breezes in my run,
My run through this world.

Your touch.
Unexpected.
A voice says,
It was nothing.
But another retorted,
It was everything.
I framed it.
Hung it for eternity,
A masterpiece in my heart.

The scent.
Unexpected.
Mixture of babyish and
Chinese?
Couldn't contained it.
It was esther,
Wasn't it?

No,
Don't.
Don't repeat that mistake again.
Anchor your hopes before it goes up too high,
If not, then,
Down you go,
Through the seven layers of the sky,
Down and down,
And down.
All the way.

My dancing pen,
Neatly placed between my fingers.
Sketching memories with words.
Carving them down.
To remember it.
To lie on it.
To treasure it.
To keep it close,
To me.

I shall remember,
Always.

::: Durian-Mean on the outside, sweet on the inside :::

Time schedule is getting pretty tight.The 5 day week policy has really great effects...now trying to cramp everything...urghh...I just hope that it will produce good things in the long run...

If I get to know who caused this mess, that person will be cursed from head to toe, inside out...if that incident really took place, I pray hard that it was unintentional...but if it was all a hoax...if it was just something to use against NCC...I will just shake my head in utmost disgust and disapproval and point 2 middle fingers and at the same time say" You're a son of a bitch."
Whatever the story is or rather the truth is, NCC has attained a stigma...something that I'm sure none of the cadets want...i hate it when we are restricted, hands tied, legs chained...if it gets any worse...I may just not be able to forgive the bloody asshole who had caused this disturbance...whatever it is...none of us can be convicted unless there is proof...so frankly speaking I would say..." bring it on.."

There were some stuff worth talking about for the past few days but somehow..it didn't register in my brain...maybe because of the burgeoning schoolwork...and what's worse was that I have been very forgetful these days...what the hell...

My sleeping pattern has been mangled currently...I'm beginning to fall into pieces...bah...but it's good cause my time has become more productive...but of course it has it's own fair share of deincentives...so now...while a majority of the population here are snoring away and tossing in their bed...I will be awake..doing my work...and while the rest of you are having dinner or perhaps doing homework or relaxing watching tv..i will be resting my body via an activity that has been going on since many many years ago and that is sleeping...

Is it right to name a girl a ''cheap" one? even if she really is? I mean despite everything else...humans are still humans..no argument that i despise these type of people but I believe a more rational move is to accept them and try to change them...anyway they are one of the many kinds of humans existing on this planet...so they do deserve a place in the society...and please...labelling people bad entitles is not a very courteous act...please show some respect for others alright...

watched a malay show on the tube...hmm when was that? I can't really recall...anyway that show made a philosophy in my mind a bit more lucid...and that is I don't believe in competing with other guys for girls..what more fight over them...I prefer the professional way...hahaz..sound so cool...hmm what else can I elaborate? yar..basically that's it...the reason is probably because in my eyes it looks rather stupid and..stupid...I mean isn't it better if you get a lover whom you really know for sure that he/she loves you very much? Why the competition?

and yar...wanted to mention that I was so lucky that I came across two hot babes while going to school a few days ago...woah..hold your thoughts...what I mean by babes here are....well they are not really human..but i'm just giving these wheeled machines some feminine attributes..i find it kind of cool..don't get me wrong though..women are never equivalent to racing machines..,yar so back to the incident...firstly I met the yamaha R1...so sleek and profound in its design...then a few minutes later...a nissan skyline gtr R34 loomed into view...hahaz..so coincidental...nice machines...i'll give them 2 thumbs up...

before i end just would like to say happy birthday to all my classmates celebrating their birthday these month...people like david, kuan hui, hanisah, hashimah...hmm who else? oops..can't really remember...just tell me if you would like to let me know ok? yar...basically that's it..and may u all have a good year ahead...

P.S : Juz realize that being a 2 timer is so cool...hahaz...to the guys out there..playing scandals might be fun but remember to bear the consequences...hahaz...I'm so naughty...anyways..rest assured I won't take up the job as a 2-timer...it pretty well suck seriously speaking...don't take girls as balls..they're not meant to played with..what more juggle them...

::: If you don't want to be good, be careful :::

The earthquake was back...though small..the effect was devasting. It sent out high waves of tsunamis which sank the sanguinity of the morning. It was an upheaval. Sudden, swift and deadly. Casualties? Perhaps a couple. Others were left in a state of disarray. How does it feel to know that you are going to be consumed by death soon? The waiting is stinging. The least that can be done is to feign that nothing is going to happen.

Don't get so uptight though. It's not another mishap. Its just an epitaph of what had happened during the first half of the day of mine. Eng rep. Got to continue with that job. I'm not retired yet. In fact I got another job and that is being one of the committee members of the class. Given the onuses of the in-charge in the class's Pupils Studies. I'm under me. That's because I am given the duty to head several groups of people and one of them is Subject reps. And I am one of the subject reps.

Alright...so what happened this morning that it's so dreadful? Actually for today, I realize that I had a hole in my heart. Not literally though. It's just that I don't really feel anything. Seriously nothing. Had English lesson and that means Miss Kelly Lim. A majority of the class so called despise her? Perhaps the word ''despise'' is a bit too harsh. Anyway after her lesson, me and Nasihah had to see her. She asked us whether we wanted to stepped down and for no apparent reason I decided to stay at the helm of being an English rep. A very, very stupid, derisive,ridiculous, unimaginable move? Well, I don't really care frankly speaking. I don't know why but I just felt the need to remain in the service. Somehow the word ''NO'' didn't came across my mind what more it being coming out of my mouth. I didn't feel sympathy neither did I feel ire. It's just neutral. Feelings stagnant like still waters.

And the first consequence came on this very morning. All holiday homework was to be handed in today by 3.30. That was the ''tsunami''.It sent most people running into insanity. Well partly its their fault too for not completing the work. But the job today was tough. Let's envisage the situation given here.

Operation Time Crash

Situation:
Holiday homework was given to Sec 3/3 last year. The holiday homework given is as follows:

English Comprehension: 4 different entries with summaries

English Composition: Choose any 3 out of 5 topics from this past exam paper as can be looked up at the English TYS

Objectives: 1) Seperate all the comprehension pieces into the respective questions 2) Seperate the compositions into the five different topics 3) Arrange all the work in each stack in index number order 4) Check that all work is done properly 5) Identify those who did not hand in their work

Impediments: 1) Most students did not complete work fully 2) Handing in of work is done by person 3) Work handed in was done when I'm not ready thus there was disruptions in proper procedure that would have cut down on time consumption and results in better efficiency and a smooth flow of organization 4) Everything to be completed within a certain time frame

It took me a few hours to get everything to fall into place. Luckily there were kind souls who had helped me out. I would like to say a gargantuan THANK YOU to Shahid, Jason, Xiao Qian and Haikal for extending their help to me. Really appreciated your help. And to the rest who were there, thanks for your concerns and humour that made the journey a bit more easier to glide by. I should say this was the hardest job handed to me as an eng rep so far. Miss Lim..good luck in marking. Anyway, I bear no grudges against you surprisingly.

The collection of work ate into my CCA time. Compromised a bit. Anyway, I was walking when I came across some of my platoon mates who wanted me to help them in hanging the NCC banner, at the roof top of the school. The block where my class is.Yeah...that roof top. I wasn't thinking straight at that time and agreed to help them instead of forbidding them as a superior. My men's life was at stake. It was a cursory decision and mistake made by me. Mrs Annie Lim saw us. She wanted us to stopped it and so we did. She actually went to inform one of our teacher-in-charge, Miss Irene Lim. So of course we were chided. No feeling again. Simply didn't feel anything. But it shall remain as a reminder that I shall take care of the people under me next time round. Got whacked twice in a day. Too much? I don't know.

::: Screaming my lungs out :::