heart Thursday, July 16, 2009 |
Its been a while since I keep record of my thoughts.
Its been a while since I felt what I felt today.
On the contrary, its the first time I felt so angry at myself.
I felt so jinxed.
Felt so useless.
The first major blow was the letter from SMM. I am given a 6 months PES status of e9 l9. Firstly, I want to go through NS like any other majority of the guys. Despite the negative comments coming from friends, I at least want to have a chance of going into SISPEC or OCS. But with all this shit happening, the chances are pretty slim. Secondly, I don't think I am going to enjoy my time indoors for 2 years. And thirdly(the most horrible part), this process of confirming my medical status is taking too long. Long enough to prevent me from starting my studies at the earliest possible time. Fucked up. Although NS is effectively for 2 years, the timing is going to fuck up the whole schedule. Counting from the time i graduate frm TP to the time I actually start my uni, its like 3 years?
The most optimistic point I can direct myself to is that my PES status may be under review and will be confirmed at the end of the 6 months.
Then came the second blow which made me angry at myself. For slipping the chance away. In fact, its not only 1 but a few chances. As far as I know, today will be the last time I see her. Anyway, what's done is done. But I think this is a pretty deep shit hole I have to crawl out from. Argh..
Now, my priority is to make full use of my time. I'm hoping to go for a holiday during August before fasting month starts to roll in.
God bless.
''I know I'm not one of your favorites, and I'm not welcomed in your house, but I could use a little attention, please.''
- constantine
Its been a while since I felt what I felt today.
On the contrary, its the first time I felt so angry at myself.
I felt so jinxed.
Felt so useless.
The first major blow was the letter from SMM. I am given a 6 months PES status of e9 l9. Firstly, I want to go through NS like any other majority of the guys. Despite the negative comments coming from friends, I at least want to have a chance of going into SISPEC or OCS. But with all this shit happening, the chances are pretty slim. Secondly, I don't think I am going to enjoy my time indoors for 2 years. And thirdly(the most horrible part), this process of confirming my medical status is taking too long. Long enough to prevent me from starting my studies at the earliest possible time. Fucked up. Although NS is effectively for 2 years, the timing is going to fuck up the whole schedule. Counting from the time i graduate frm TP to the time I actually start my uni, its like 3 years?
The most optimistic point I can direct myself to is that my PES status may be under review and will be confirmed at the end of the 6 months.
Then came the second blow which made me angry at myself. For slipping the chance away. In fact, its not only 1 but a few chances. As far as I know, today will be the last time I see her. Anyway, what's done is done. But I think this is a pretty deep shit hole I have to crawl out from. Argh..
Now, my priority is to make full use of my time. I'm hoping to go for a holiday during August before fasting month starts to roll in.
God bless.
''I know I'm not one of your favorites, and I'm not welcomed in your house, but I could use a little attention, please.''
- constantine