I've learn that...

Get the hell out of my mind, you fucking negative thoughts.

To my dearest friend,

It hasn't been even one year since we started on this journey but I've already feel like we have known each other for a very long time. It wasn't easy for me doing my job, running the club. There were always troublemakers, the stress and such. And you and Becky were the ones who I am actually comfortable enough with to share some of the load. We shared the laughter and gossips and a whole lot of other things be it associated with the club or otherwise. You guys are actually the first 2 people that I share the most things with in my entire life. And both of you are one of the reasons why I'm still here trying to finish off what I had been tasked to do. And at this point, I am very thankful to the seniors that they actually brought both of you in. You guys have seriously helped me alot and I do cherish the good times we had. I will always remember those times.

So the bottom line is, I am really grateful for both you and Becky's presence in my life and I sincerely hope that we can continue with this for the years to come with frequent meetings and our la kopi sessions. Me and Becky will be graduating soon but fret not we will always be there whenever you need us. And also have faith in the rest of the committee people like PC, Matt, Cuiwen, Guo Bin...I believe they are capable enough to support you.

Thanks a lot Hanz and Becky for the wonderful memories.
Thank you for adding colour to my life.
Thank you for the support you guys gave me especially for what had happened recently.
Thank you for everything.

Both of you are the best. :)
Love both of u loads.

With lots of XOXO [ haha ;) ],
Syamil

Dear so and so,

You have successfully captured my attention. I am glad to inform you that you have won this battle by making me mad all over. If I ever were to be given a chance to do anything I want without any consequences, I would have your head fixed inside an aeroplane's turbine. Allowing you to go through it a few rounds like how a sugarcane is to the squeezer machine.


And I would really love to say this straight at your face:


GOFUCKYOURSELFMOTHERFUCKER!GOSUCKYOUROWNBALLSFUCKFACE!GOTOHELLYOUFUCKER!


Sincerely and with 'love'
Syamil

Felt kinda fed-up at times when I can't get to go home early after school. When lessons are over, I will feel kinda thrilled, but at the thought of the meetings and stuff after that, it turns to, what the hell...

Actually I think, the major contributor of why I don't feel like staying in school these days is this one particular special person. The sight of this person sours my mood. Everytime...since a few months back. It wasn't like this back then. And its puzzling me how it turned out this way.

I've always thought it was my fault for the current turnout. But hell, you started bad mouthing started way earlier than I expected. Thanks a lot. So much for advising me to just say what I want when you don't even dare say it to me yourself. Complete rubbish. Not to mention you leaked stuff to 'outsiders'. That one really pissed me off.

I hope I won't do anything foolish. I think I'll just live my life like what Rihanna sings. I can't be disturbed and be bothered by your nonsense. If you think it is so easy, then go ahead and do it. I know I am not 'zai'. I'm just doing whatever I can.



Open House was kinda tiring. It was a blast too. Was kinda forced to step out of my comfort zone. And I am happy with the improvement from Day 1 till the last day be it the whole team or myself.

" Check-o fifa...go fifa langga "

" Chop chilli chop chilli chop chop chop... "

" Temasek is me Temasek is you... "

" Engine oiiii... "

" Engine get ready!!! "

" Chuma chuma kiss kiss "

" Who's gonna win, gonna win, gonna win... "

" Macho claps "

" Kun yang claps "


All that kinda summarise it all. Hahaz...was going mad with cheers even after the last day. Because after the last day ended, I went for the LAST recce for Night Cycling. WOHOO!!! And ya, everyone was irritated with the cheers that I kept singing. :D

The recce was rather happening at the start. And what Din said actually reminded me of some stuff. It was all prolly blessings in disguise.

Was feeling high from the start all the way to SMU, our turning point. After the nap there, I felt kinda weird and sick. I thought the nap was suppose to be helpful but in the end I felt worse.

While waiting to for the shop to open for us to return our bikes, played a little bit of games. Was having fun and it was really ROFL. It was enjoyable la playing with them...


Now, it all boils down to the real day. 17Jan.


I actually told myself that there'll be no more attachments. But after yesterday, I don't know. Were they actually what I think they are? I just pray for sincerity and honesty. Like always, I'm okay with either sides. I just need to be sure. I hope I didn't say any hurtful things yesterday. But I've this gut feeling that tells me that I did.

Had fun bbq-ing with my GLs on the eve of new year. And then some of us spent the night at Pasir Ris park. Nothing much la. I'm just glad I enjoyed myself.

Been busy lately. Made myself involve in the coming Open House and Engine school's orientation in April. Tiring also. Am exposed to politics and the likes. I hope to learn alot from here. Especially when this event is rather large scale. And I am also thankful that there are a few good people at least. I mean, if they are fucked up, then I wouldn't still be around in the committee.




Now I think I understand how Kenny felt 4 to 5 years ago. The time when he said being at the top feels rather lonely. It is really lonely up here. Decisions are in your hands. The steering wheel is within your control. I guess I've realized what is the essence of a leader; to be brave enough to decide and face the consequences thereafter be it good or bad, alone or with other people.

I sincerely hope my committee are not putting false fronts. I really hope they support me. Those people that I really trust, I just hope that they won't disappoint me.

I will be facing the big questions in a few days time. And at that time, I hope I can fuck that person upside down instead of the other way around.

My heart was raging just now.
And it still does.

I don't know why but I just feel like going for some hurting spree.



God bless myself and those around me.