Drawing the curtains for this year..here are a few song lyrics which roughly represents my life in 2004...the highlighted ones are of the more meaningful words...the rest are rather redundant... it's one pretty unique year even though I feel down most of the time..thus my 2005 resolution...be more happy...yeah...but i should say I've really learnt a lot of things...could have been more...

Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever enter all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love


Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re downTo feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like
What it’s like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life(3x)


Nothing Hurts Like Love by Daniel Bedingfield

Broken hearts
Broken dreams
There just somethings that love brings
When you learn that its all been a lie
You cry
You find that

Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn
Till you get burned
Till your burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing hurts like love

So you gave all you had
How the story turned so sad
Nothing left but the tears in you eyes
You die inside cus

Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you will never learn
Till you get burned
Till your burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing hurts like love

So dry your eyes
Its just your turn to learn
time to find that nothing
Nothing

Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you will never learn
Till you get burned
Till your burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing hurts like love


True by Ryan Cabrera

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I goI'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hideIt's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true


On my Shoulder by Westlife

Nah nahnah nah nahnah
All around the world
All around the world
Someone needs somebody
Let it be a shield

All around the world
All around the world
Someone's feeling lonely
But I know you never will

Cause when it all gets too much
Put your head down on my shoulder
little warmth when it gets colder
Now I don't know the things that you're going through
But you can put your head down
On my shoulder
the storm is it blows over
I know you're there for me too
No I'll be there for you

You're waiting for a change
You're waiting for the day
When all that you remember is with you once again
There's a long road ahead
Stretches out for miles
And if you want some company
Walk with you a while
Ohh and when the road gets too rough

You can put your head down on my shoulder
A little warmth when it gets colder
I don't know the things that you're going through
But you can put your head down
On my shoulder
Where the storm is it blows over
I know you're there for me too
So I'll be there for you, for you, for you, yeah,


::: Moving on :::

Got a few things to bring up here..yikes..haven't been updating my blog...I bet no one is reading it already...hahaa...but of course there are always two sides to everything...

Anyway, I want to dedicate this part of my entry for the birthday girl, isty...so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!...want to say sorry too cuz i think I've troubled her for certain things...really, really sorry..I've been a fool back there and then but its worth an experience...can learn from my mistakes..

Want to apologise to one more person..actually there are a few others but i shall save it for my birthday entry...yup..coming soon..and i'm pleased to know that Ronaldinho's birthday fall 2 days before mine...wonder if i can be as good as him in soccer...So, yar..i juz want to apologise to jason cuz i feel that I've neglected this gd friend of mine...really sorry bro...I've realized that you have changed recently...don't exactly know what it is but I could juz sense it...anyway talked with this guy on stuff running on th line of politics...so you've decided that China don't really suck,right? hahaaz..its actually the leaders or rather the representatives of the masses that are corrupted and rotten...not all of course...the ppl are actually quite okay relatively...won't go deeper into this cuz i feel it's rather sensitive...

Went to town recently...hahaz, I'm kind of fed up with myself cuz I keep forgetting the names of certain places even though I've seen it a couple of times...especially the ones along orchard road...so went there to hobnob with the place a bit more...on my way there while taking bus 143...I saw my long lost 2nd girlfriend...i can't believe it went it passed me by...she's balck alright...my favourite colour...so sleek and sexy...and I tell you she's costly...say about 150+ k? but she only costs half of that of my first girlfriend...forgot to mention that my girlfriend is not human though, she's 4 wheeled...the one that I saw was mitsubishi evolution 8...only if i can get my hands on her...I'll drive her through and through...yeah..

oh yar..forgot to mention...thanks jasmine for that x'mas sms..ur the only one who smsed me...haven seen you around for quite some time..i believed you still live in the same block as I am? gd luck in life yar..

went down to Mustafa shopping centre..got a nike t-shirt for $17..quite cheap considering that it's a dri-fit one..at the speed of light..that's what is written on it...find it quite cool, perhaps it closely represents me? haahazz...i'm not that fast as a runner...anyway..before making my way for tekka mall at serangoon, i dropped by a mosque near mustafa centre...angulia mosque i think...go there to do my afternoon prayers...after that when I was about to leave the premises an old malay lady greeted me..to avoid being profane, I replied...I don't know why but somehow I sat down at the steps facing her while taking out a $2 note from my wallet...she is asking for money actually, to place it in nicer terms she's asking for ''donation''...we chatted for a while..exchange a few words...she's living alone..as in she has no kins...her husband had passed on..she has no children..no relatives also i guess...and she's weak so she can't really work...she helps to clean the mosque a bit here and there...I was kind of shocked when she told me that her pay is 10 bucks per week and she lives at toa payoh...not a really ideal income and not a short distance from home either so she said ahe has to resort to begging..in islam..you are strongly discouraged to beg..the best is to help that needy person make money.. rather than giving him or her money...anyway after that i walked away...as i went off 2 things strucked me...first, comparing her allowance and the clothes that I wore on at that time, my clothes cost don't know how many folds that of her income...i was taken aback rather seriously...made me realized how fortunate i am...shall elaborate on this later...2nd...that 2 bucks was what was left of my allowance for the rest of the yr...i don't feel regret giving her the money but this qn keep popping up...was I being stupid or kind in giving her the money? I find this rather subjective...regarding the elaboration...just want to say that we ppl should be thankful that we have friends to rely on, family members to seek help from, a roof over our heads, more than enough food to fill our stomach and good clothes to wear....and so much more...so don't grieve over your lives...I believe that all humans have their fair share of problems..so don't be morose...cuz I can sense the pathos hanging in the atmosphere despite it being merry christmas...this may sound easy but like what they say..it's easier said then done but i'm going through a similar situation but I think that on of us shpuld stand up and say...hey...why be sad when we can be happy? I mean look at other ppl..they seem to be in even greater struggles...others have more to worry about and recently it came out in the news that the happiest ppl are from a group of ppl who are earning $1400+ per year..so cheer up..like what mr lim said'' let worry, worry about itself'' what's done is done...upsetness is like a disease and unfortunately it is contagious...take this as a jap for the disease or if not at least a comforting hand on the shoulder...2005 is coming..let's face it and open up a new chapter in our lives...and make a point to stay happy as much as possible...believe me..life's pretty short....don't let it go to waste...1 minute of unhappiness is 60 seconds of happiness wasted...might not be easy to do yhis but the key phrase is" keep trying''...need someone to hear you out or a shoulder to cry on, come to me..i'll be glad to lend a helping hand :) its open to all...no charges applied..

before i end I want to share this incident that betide me while I was travelling on the bus...i was taking 187 and there was this boy whos sat behind me...my earphones were stuffed into my ears and i was reading through a chemistry book...pls note that im not so guai..this was just one of the rare moments...about this boy..well he kept trying to read what I was reading...and started to look over my shoulder..after a while he starte clearing his throat but I feigne dto be deaf that i don't heard him..at last he tapped my shoulder and asked me whether he could read it...si I just hand the book over to him..pretty amused..he has such a craving for knowledge...he was so engrossed with the book that he almost missed his stop...his stance at that time put up a smile on my face...

::: Kindness is a gift, not a loan :::

Sunday morning...woke up at around 3:30 a.m and heard that song on air...love a few songs from Maroon 5,never fail to entertain me...Anyway went for run yesterday morning as usual...then went to collect my report card from my religious class...and wallah...I got 3rd in class of 26..kind of happy...had Shahid with me to share the joy with..but I failed my Arab language though...by a margin of 2 marks...haiz..then my report card doesn't look nice...got one red...so salient..anyway..I don't really care much about it..advanced from my 5th position to 3rd is good enough...I'm goin to be a bit stuck up here but please don't label me as such...cuz I really don't have anything to be stuck up about...the religious class I go to take the attendance into account..meaning that your attendance will affect your exam results...and for this one I got 10 out of 20!!! I nearly failed...haha...and i still can get 3rd in class...how cool is that?haha...not that they count it wrongly...I really came only for that amount of sessions...haha juz entertaining myself here...like normal schools the exams consists of different subjects and there is this one that is called "ibadah''..its all about Islam practices...like those haj stuff..and bla bla bla..and that is my weakest subject..other than my arab language...haha..I guess that just shows how good I am as a muslim...haha..it tickles my heart a little..about the arab language...i hereby declare officially declare that I CANNOT converse in Arab...it's pretty difficult..not like abc 123..and for the past 6,7 yrs I didn't really took the subject seriously...so up to now...I still can't talk in arab...i wish i could of course but as you grow older..it gets tougher..wante to study for it seriously at the beginning of this year but i was astounde by how much i'm suppose to juggle...so it didn't really work out...

All this while, I feel very guilty...I've experienced a lot of downfalls..failures and so on...but the people around me..they seemed to have set high hopes for me...however that's not what im concern about..it is just that I believe that these people have faith in me and that they think that I've been working my ass out to achieve and grasp that high expectations but the fact is I haven't...i have not been working hard..I am lazy..that's my problem...I have been slacking..I feel guilty cuz I feel that i have deceived them..doesn't this put me in a bad light? i mean..i really seemed to be so cunning...devious,hypocrite and what have you...I didn't ask for this..when I went for hari raya outing a few weeks ago with my pri. sch friends...we haven't met each other for a really long time..and one of them asked who am I(we know each other before)...and when she realize that it was me..she said ''oh...that intelligent boy..you look so different''..its not the latter part that hits me but the the first one...people still see me as an intelligent boy...and I very well know that it's not the truth...my results speak for me...so there's only one sensible way out and that is to accomplish what ever I am expected for...that means that I've to step out of my comfort zone and really work beyond the limits..and stop givibg myself rubbish excuses..my excuses are robust and pwerful and somewhat approved or acceptable...but inside me..I know that they are merely excuses..and this adds up to my guilt...for example..my studies..I've not been doing well..but when my life is reviewed they show that I am doing the impossible...a lot of commitments...ncc,hockey,family affairs, religious class studies and so on...it reflects that ive been trying my best..but the fact is...like you might have guess...no....i am going to let people down unless i turn the tide and scrap off that lazy part of me..GRRRR....it's so hard to do the right thing...so hard to be hard working..used to be a cinche for me but things have changed..a lot..

This goes out to those who are thinking of slacking or rather not doing the right things...believe me, you wont only receive punishments i mean let's put it this way...wrongdoings---> punisments..looks simple isn't it? But in reality, under that big word "punishments" there are different types physical,mental,emotional bla bla bla...and the wrong doings probably creates a domino effect of other problems..so as far as possible..don't try...small things will lead to big things..small wrong doings have the potential of producing even bigger ones...and the best part is..there's no one that stands by you...you have to face it all alone...that's the most challenging part of it..then you still have to handle critics,being ostracized bla bla bla...and so the phrase " heroes are the ones who fall" applies..is still valid..even if the person doesn't get to solve the things..the fact that he or she has come out of it is worth complimenting...he/she has faces all these crap and survived...it's like going to battle and being left with only the vital organs for living...so it's important to start afresh and realize that it's not the end of the world...I really salute these people cuz they are heroes unlike those people who thinks that it's '' game over''..the fact that life is not a game, it can only be over at a person's last breath...and obviously there's no restart button...these people who thinks that the world has run out of hope and light...who takes that final step of plunging down head first...a bad way to sort out things...very bad...commit suicide..no no no....what are they trying to do? Experience how gravity works? Or is it the ''high feeling" of travelling at a speed no man can ever achieved? probably they are racing with the wind...these people..i pity them not because they have died or what..but pity because they have failed to realize that there are other things to look forward to in life..time can heal wounds...so just take that extra effort to stay calm...and hold tyouself steady..now I really believe that one needs a lot of power to get out of shits..they may have established a bad reputation for themselves... but in my eyes..they are among the the most strongest people in the world..when people criticize their own kind they fail to realize that they are humans like themselves..and humans make errors...mistakes...and some are just unlucky to have committed bigger ones...I know that after this entry...people might take that I am not the ideal person to work with..devious,sly, cunning...but please don't look at me that way...I have no cntrolover this..I am trying to change so that I won't appear as bad as what have been described....but rest assured that my actions are of your best interests..under no circumstances that i would sabotage or do things that can be fatal to you...i know this part of me very well..i don't do this kind of revenge business...i hope that I have your best wishes and may the world be a better palce to live in....

::: Don't be a guy, be a man :::

Today's entry won't be of any interest to many...I'm not trying to gain any pity from anyone...I just need a space to vomit it all out...so spare me the criticisms..or whatever you call it...if you feel like puking just pass on...need not read this entry...

Look left.Look right.Look up.Look down.At any position of any degree, I see pain...even if i stand here rooted to the spot...it is a pain as it is...this period of time...going through the fires...I feel like I'm walking on along the line of fire...bang bang...drop dead...revived..bang bang...drop dead..apparently it appears to be a vicious cycle...there's no cessation to it...everyday new problems await me....it's so hurtful...no painkillers...wonder if it even exists...Has my life been like this all this while? Or is it just that I became more aware of it as i grow older...I am not feeling depressed or whatsoever...it's just pain..pure pain...I can imagine my heart being skinned...and quitting? It's not my style...I have nothing to fall back on...there's no place...or at least I haven't found one yet...that can be a perimeter where by I can seek refuge...even if there is...it will most probably be temporary...home? nah...school? haha...so where?...no where..I wish there's such a place....hmm..nope..can't find any place by that name inside the world map...I've realised that I'm dealing with this world on my own..as in without any other human beings...why? because the hurdles I'm going to jump over..eh wait...probably it's more to rampaging through...hmm yar that's more apt....are set up by me.Yes.Me...I don't know why I did that for...putting bullets through my head...maybe I'm darn stupid afterall...on top of that...there's tons of onuses that I have to take care of....hmm what the hell..syamil...look up and take a look..what do you see...never ending problems...what a long queue...can I have a coffee break?haha..you must be kidding, mel...the things that you're dealing with requires your immediate care....

urgent= fast, on top of the list

important= slow, takes time...needs the fullest attention

my stuff?...they fit the bill to both urgent and important...that's the highest level of challenge to me...it has yet to be achieved...see syamil? at least you're important...haha...the world needs you...if you don't exists..who will take care of these things....who??? so syamil...get yourself geared up..we'll take this baby up...surface! surface! surface! after a long time being in the dark waters...it's time for some fresh air...I know...i know very well...your labour doesn't come with a tag on it...the world doesn't recognize it...well..syamil..guess what? a syamil's got to do what a syamil's got to do....you'll be given a big test tommorrow...be ready for it...and for the up coming days of your life...you'll have more...don't worry yar...haha..so ironic...when there's actually a lot of things to worry about...

hmm...i think i might have puked all my stomach and intestines out...I feel empty..light weight...hey...reading back this entry....i sound like I'm the most ''problematic'' guy in the world..I really,really,really wish that this is the last entry which is so fucking bloody shitty<---there's such a word?...really...alright...enough of crap..let's pack it in...end of transmission...

P.S: Whatever i've written were what that cross my mind for the past.. say... 1hr or so...so it may be rather non-sensical even to me...and the paradox of it is inevitable...

::: Life is full of ups and downs but I love it anyway..1 shot all you've ever got... :::

Life is getting monotonous...but heck about it...anyways...it was friday the day before yesterday and somehow another interesting thing took place...1st part of the day..hockey as usual..very determined...to focus and pay my fullest attention towards training..and wallah...I've improved a lot in my stickwork..."today syamil so violent.."omar was saying...haha..sorry about that yar...next time round find another partner alright...hahaz..he suffered i guess cuz I was like using the whole strength in me to do my pushings and hittings...not much time not much time..my mind was saying...next february tournament will commence...looking at the current squad...it would already be quite an achievement if we were to maintain our top 8 position...that is getting knocked out at the quater finals...haiz...all i can do is..to do my best in whatever role that i'm given...hockey...dying...so sad...

anyways..i was feeling kind of sanguine throughout the training..feeling better..when going back to the canteen...i was surprised though..won't mention why...unexpected things do happen when you least expected it to be...

Went home after friday prayers...as soon as i reached home i bath and then reach out for my pillow and went into a slumber...before i went into the comfort of my bed...my mother told me that i've to babysit my little brother that afternoon because she was going out...i was like yar yar...it was barely and hour when my mother tried to wake me up and told to take care of this and that...she was like nagging...suddenly i was overwhelmed with a spate of ire...when my parents were out of the house... my condition worsen...i was lying on my bed staring into the ceiling...i was filled up with so much anger then...it nearly became out of control...this was the first time i was feeling such a way...then i remembered banging my desk and the computer keyboard...i don't know why I became so furious...it took me quite a long time to appease my anger...i really hope that i do not have to go through such a thing in my life ever again...cuz i was feeling like wanting to kill someone...i barely had control over myself...maybe it's becuz of the mounting problems i'm facing currently...i need an angel to help me...the absence of motivation and patience was proven to be too hard for me to bear...haiz...supposed to do some schoolwork but then...spent that afternoon trying to placate myself...get hold of yourself syamil..i was saying to myself...but my the fire in me overruled all the systems in me...anger had gotten the better of me...and i shall not let it happen again...never...

::: the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get :::

What am i having today?..that was the first thing that came into my mind this morning...or rather yesterday morning...i mean,now is like about 2 in the morning...shiok...so calm and quiet...taking a break from doing lit homework...so back on track...the instant reply to that question was like...shit...got hiking...and i overslept..supposed to wake my father up at 5...in the end...i woke up at 5.22...fortunately he himself woke up on time...

so i needed to visit 7 eleven to buy some bread first...need to eat while doing the hike...then i was also required to buy bananas..passed by the market...saw alot of bananas...but i was too lazy to go over and buy..anyway it will go to a waste...i mean...i'm not a monkey and won't eat a whole bunch of bananas...

the morning was cool...should be having hockey training instead...the weather was so nice...so started the hike at MacRitchie reservoir...then go on from there towards adam road food centre...shahid and me became the rear party so called..kind of fun being at the end of the row...for that hike...we had one rule above all the rest...and that is nobody sholud be behind us...execpt for teachers of course...actually the trek was not so challenging..reminded me of the hike at mount ophir last september...harsher terrain...narrower trail...higher altitude..handicapped...and lastly faster pace...

i'll just touch onthe so called highlights of the whole hike...actually its not really hike..more to trekking i should say...so here goes...

first highlight...the tree top trail...too bad none of us brought cameras..nice view from the bridge...perhaps its a new attraction in Singapore..one of its kind...its worth a visit..ok..i really have nothing to say about this place...so let's go on to the next one...hhmm...went back to th ranger station....then we had a break...to eat..pay the toilet a visit..and so on...then fall in back before carrying on with the trail...so mr lim and ms catherine yeo was like infront of me and several others...then mr lim was talking about lunch...and food...then i don't know why but my mouth became very itchy and i asked casually...''free ah?''..then mr lim said..''say again?'' so i repeated then everyome laughed...i just realized then that i was being rather cocky...shouldn't have said that...luckily he never make me do funny things...quite entertaining...one of the times when i behave rather foolishly...at least people laughed...let's look on the bright side yar....anyway after that people started to ''kacau'' me on that...just put up with it...hahaz...woah..listening to perfect 10 now...'i dream' from taufik..singapore idol..nice song man...he rox.....so lets hop back on track....ok...to me the 'free' question was genuine...anyways...we sort of had free lunch...we use our own money to pay first and the pe dept. will pay back to us each $4...regardless of how much we spent of course...and i spent $4.10...aiya..$0.10 extra..hahaz..that $0.10 used for the toilet..ok..i know i'm being cheapskate here...hahaz..so the lunch at adam road food centre marked the end of the trip....so went back to school after that...i'm too lazy togive anymore insights on the trail...

back to school..debrief and then reimbursing of money...some funny stuff happened and then went home...kinda boring when i look at it...but there were funny moments...so not really that bad...

::: cittrius,altius,fortius :::

Pretty free these days...but i underwent some sort of new happening last friday...it happened during hockey training..i really don't know what's up with my mind and body on that day...and yar tuck wen didn't come for training....hahahaz..i guess he fell ill...i think its his first time taking mc...that guy...pro....

the school was practically empty that morning..like sme ghost town...i was the first to arrive...my mind was practically dead that morning...so the hockey boys did th usual stuff...warm up and everything else...the 'thing' that occured to me has nothing really to do with hockey...so the school was like ours on that friday morning...my mind and soul was not at the training ground for the first time i think...i kept thinking of that someone and throughout that training, my eyes keep landing at the direction of the school...the netball court area...that whole stretch of view....by the way we were training at the school's basketball court...so yar...there was some sort of interference in my mind...didn't really focus...my top form was just not there during that training...and then it started affecting my hockey...my body movements...everything...my body was like being invaded inside out...and then i was like a newcomer in hockey...my pushing and trapping...my hitting...all sucks..even when doing simple drills...every part of me became very slow...it was so bad that my coach saw what was happening to me..."syamil...engine haven't on is it? huh? why are you so slow? afiq's engine is fully on and moving forward..teo's(johnathan) engine has also started...how abot you?"..that was what mr lim roughly said to me...of course he was like half joking and serious...that's because perhaps he knows that i will take his advice...but subsequently i made more mistakes...more sort of scoldings...and then at one point..." syamil..what happened? go behind drop 10.."...quite hard to do at that time because my energy was drained..body not in top form...mind somewhere else..and it was freaking hot...that didn't help me as well..still did more mistakes during training...and mr lim kept on remimding me to focus...and in the end i think he just left me alone...the worse part was the game...i was like playing any o how...and conceded a lot of goals because of the stupid mistakes that i made..my team consisting of other two players suffered...i think we lost i the end...so the thing is...i don't know what happened to me...the thoughts of her had affected me in my training...this time very seriously....i don't know what's going to happen on the next training....

after training met my mom and dad at west mall to get new phone...for one reason or another i wasn't thrilled to the max..considering i've waited for a long time to get it...my sony ericsson T630....then walk back to the mosque with shahid to attend friday prayers...pretty long walk...i guess i shall stop here....

i really hope i can regaine my top form...

::: the enemy is in you :::

This week is a bit more lax for me...nothing really heavy has dawn on me yet...going to cramp about a few things here...

The trip to school on last Monday was close to redundant...needed to settle ncc business...it was supposed to be a brief meeting...but somehow te whole thing took up the whole morning...apparently our co was not really happy with the school administration...anyway I shall not dwell on that...nothing much to do with me...oh ya...haven't i mentioned that i was given the task of being NCC's discipline master...i dunno what to do with it frankly...someone help me deal with this new post..i'm not discipline so i have no inkling on why it had to be me...anyway...neither happy or sad about it...

Left for home after that...my best friend called me up and asked me out..he wanted to go for another round of Hari Raya visiting...told him to count me in...so went to some houses...and during the journey between houses, we catched up on each other...then I got to find out that my best friend was pretty loyal...he actually waited for me to have my free time so that we could do this visiting together just like we used to have done it before...he mentioned that for previous years we have gone out together if not with bigger numbers and he did not want this year to be an exception...I respect him for that...afterall he's my best friend and we used to be very close...now..things have changed...different school...different circle of friends and so on...we seemed to have drifted apart..so near yet so far....i was blind wasn't optimistic enough...i thought our friendship will juz be stagnant after the PSLE but well....he proved me wrong....tasted the meaning of true friendship...ambrosial...

Like the previous years...we visited our ex-tuition teacher...miss su. so we started conversing on our studies and stuff along that line...somehow the issue was switched to BGR...my best friend has been with his girlfriend for more than 2 yrs now...i'm like wow...that is long...i believe my friend is very loyal to his girl...then they(my best friend and miss su) took me into the limelight...miss su was like aking me, '' how about you? Don't you have one?'' I just replied by shaking my head and smiling sheepishly...I wonder how many different people and how many times have I to entertain such similar questions...when i insisted that i dun have one...they seemed not to buy my declaration...perhaps they thought I'm being secretive...sheesh...whatever...then they went on teasing me on me being a 2 timer, 3 timer and so on....and miss su added on saying that monday will be for one gal, tuesday is rest day, wednesday another one and so on...all i can say is that for my current ''love life'', i'm experiencing some retributions...sad rite...hahaz...

::: Friend for life :::