something serious
Sunday morning...woke up at around 3:30 a.m and heard that song on air...love a few songs from Maroon 5,never fail to entertain me...Anyway went for run yesterday morning as usual...then went to collect my report card from my religious class...and wallah...I got 3rd in class of 26..kind of happy...had Shahid with me to share the joy with..but I failed my Arab language though...by a margin of 2 marks...haiz..then my report card doesn't look nice...got one red...so salient..anyway..I don't really care much about it..advanced from my 5th position to 3rd is good enough...I'm goin to be a bit stuck up here but please don't label me as such...cuz I really don't have anything to be stuck up about...the religious class I go to take the attendance into account..meaning that your attendance will affect your exam results...and for this one I got 10 out of 20!!! I nearly failed...haha...and i still can get 3rd in class...how cool is that?haha...not that they count it wrongly...I really came only for that amount of sessions...haha juz entertaining myself here...like normal schools the exams consists of different subjects and there is this one that is called "ibadah''..its all about Islam practices...like those haj stuff..and bla bla bla..and that is my weakest subject..other than my arab language...haha..I guess that just shows how good I am as a muslim...haha..it tickles my heart a little..about the arab language...i hereby declare officially declare that I CANNOT converse in Arab...it's pretty difficult..not like abc 123..and for the past 6,7 yrs I didn't really took the subject seriously...so up to now...I still can't talk in arab...i wish i could of course but as you grow older..it gets tougher..wante to study for it seriously at the beginning of this year but i was astounde by how much i'm suppose to juggle...so it didn't really work out...
All this while, I feel very guilty...I've experienced a lot of downfalls..failures and so on...but the people around me..they seemed to have set high hopes for me...however that's not what im concern about..it is just that I believe that these people have faith in me and that they think that I've been working my ass out to achieve and grasp that high expectations but the fact is I haven't...i have not been working hard..I am lazy..that's my problem...I have been slacking..I feel guilty cuz I feel that i have deceived them..doesn't this put me in a bad light? i mean..i really seemed to be so cunning...devious,hypocrite and what have you...I didn't ask for this..when I went for hari raya outing a few weeks ago with my pri. sch friends...we haven't met each other for a really long time..and one of them asked who am I(we know each other before)...and when she realize that it was me..she said ''oh...that intelligent boy..you look so different''..its not the latter part that hits me but the the first one...people still see me as an intelligent boy...and I very well know that it's not the truth...my results speak for me...so there's only one sensible way out and that is to accomplish what ever I am expected for...that means that I've to step out of my comfort zone and really work beyond the limits..and stop givibg myself rubbish excuses..my excuses are robust and pwerful and somewhat approved or acceptable...but inside me..I know that they are merely excuses..and this adds up to my guilt...for example..my studies..I've not been doing well..but when my life is reviewed they show that I am doing the impossible...a lot of commitments...ncc,hockey,family affairs, religious class studies and so on...it reflects that ive been trying my best..but the fact is...like you might have guess...no....i am going to let people down unless i turn the tide and scrap off that lazy part of me..GRRRR....it's so hard to do the right thing...so hard to be hard working..used to be a cinche for me but things have changed..a lot..
This goes out to those who are thinking of slacking or rather not doing the right things...believe me, you wont only receive punishments i mean let's put it this way...wrongdoings---> punisments..looks simple isn't it? But in reality, under that big word "punishments" there are different types physical,mental,emotional bla bla bla...and the wrong doings probably creates a domino effect of other problems..so as far as possible..don't try...small things will lead to big things..small wrong doings have the potential of producing even bigger ones...and the best part is..there's no one that stands by you...you have to face it all alone...that's the most challenging part of it..then you still have to handle critics,being ostracized bla bla bla...and so the phrase " heroes are the ones who fall" applies..is still valid..even if the person doesn't get to solve the things..the fact that he or she has come out of it is worth complimenting...he/she has faces all these crap and survived...it's like going to battle and being left with only the vital organs for living...so it's important to start afresh and realize that it's not the end of the world...I really salute these people cuz they are heroes unlike those people who thinks that it's '' game over''..the fact that life is not a game, it can only be over at a person's last breath...and obviously there's no restart button...these people who thinks that the world has run out of hope and light...who takes that final step of plunging down head first...a bad way to sort out things...very bad...commit suicide..no no no....what are they trying to do? Experience how gravity works? Or is it the ''high feeling" of travelling at a speed no man can ever achieved? probably they are racing with the wind...these people..i pity them not because they have died or what..but pity because they have failed to realize that there are other things to look forward to in life..time can heal wounds...so just take that extra effort to stay calm...and hold tyouself steady..now I really believe that one needs a lot of power to get out of shits..they may have established a bad reputation for themselves... but in my eyes..they are among the the most strongest people in the world..when people criticize their own kind they fail to realize that they are humans like themselves..and humans make errors...mistakes...and some are just unlucky to have committed bigger ones...I know that after this entry...people might take that I am not the ideal person to work with..devious,sly, cunning...but please don't look at me that way...I have no cntrolover this..I am trying to change so that I won't appear as bad as what have been described....but rest assured that my actions are of your best interests..under no circumstances that i would sabotage or do things that can be fatal to you...i know this part of me very well..i don't do this kind of revenge business...i hope that I have your best wishes and may the world be a better palce to live in....
::: Don't be a guy, be a man :::
All this while, I feel very guilty...I've experienced a lot of downfalls..failures and so on...but the people around me..they seemed to have set high hopes for me...however that's not what im concern about..it is just that I believe that these people have faith in me and that they think that I've been working my ass out to achieve and grasp that high expectations but the fact is I haven't...i have not been working hard..I am lazy..that's my problem...I have been slacking..I feel guilty cuz I feel that i have deceived them..doesn't this put me in a bad light? i mean..i really seemed to be so cunning...devious,hypocrite and what have you...I didn't ask for this..when I went for hari raya outing a few weeks ago with my pri. sch friends...we haven't met each other for a really long time..and one of them asked who am I(we know each other before)...and when she realize that it was me..she said ''oh...that intelligent boy..you look so different''..its not the latter part that hits me but the the first one...people still see me as an intelligent boy...and I very well know that it's not the truth...my results speak for me...so there's only one sensible way out and that is to accomplish what ever I am expected for...that means that I've to step out of my comfort zone and really work beyond the limits..and stop givibg myself rubbish excuses..my excuses are robust and pwerful and somewhat approved or acceptable...but inside me..I know that they are merely excuses..and this adds up to my guilt...for example..my studies..I've not been doing well..but when my life is reviewed they show that I am doing the impossible...a lot of commitments...ncc,hockey,family affairs, religious class studies and so on...it reflects that ive been trying my best..but the fact is...like you might have guess...no....i am going to let people down unless i turn the tide and scrap off that lazy part of me..GRRRR....it's so hard to do the right thing...so hard to be hard working..used to be a cinche for me but things have changed..a lot..
This goes out to those who are thinking of slacking or rather not doing the right things...believe me, you wont only receive punishments i mean let's put it this way...wrongdoings---> punisments..looks simple isn't it? But in reality, under that big word "punishments" there are different types physical,mental,emotional bla bla bla...and the wrong doings probably creates a domino effect of other problems..so as far as possible..don't try...small things will lead to big things..small wrong doings have the potential of producing even bigger ones...and the best part is..there's no one that stands by you...you have to face it all alone...that's the most challenging part of it..then you still have to handle critics,being ostracized bla bla bla...and so the phrase " heroes are the ones who fall" applies..is still valid..even if the person doesn't get to solve the things..the fact that he or she has come out of it is worth complimenting...he/she has faces all these crap and survived...it's like going to battle and being left with only the vital organs for living...so it's important to start afresh and realize that it's not the end of the world...I really salute these people cuz they are heroes unlike those people who thinks that it's '' game over''..the fact that life is not a game, it can only be over at a person's last breath...and obviously there's no restart button...these people who thinks that the world has run out of hope and light...who takes that final step of plunging down head first...a bad way to sort out things...very bad...commit suicide..no no no....what are they trying to do? Experience how gravity works? Or is it the ''high feeling" of travelling at a speed no man can ever achieved? probably they are racing with the wind...these people..i pity them not because they have died or what..but pity because they have failed to realize that there are other things to look forward to in life..time can heal wounds...so just take that extra effort to stay calm...and hold tyouself steady..now I really believe that one needs a lot of power to get out of shits..they may have established a bad reputation for themselves... but in my eyes..they are among the the most strongest people in the world..when people criticize their own kind they fail to realize that they are humans like themselves..and humans make errors...mistakes...and some are just unlucky to have committed bigger ones...I know that after this entry...people might take that I am not the ideal person to work with..devious,sly, cunning...but please don't look at me that way...I have no cntrolover this..I am trying to change so that I won't appear as bad as what have been described....but rest assured that my actions are of your best interests..under no circumstances that i would sabotage or do things that can be fatal to you...i know this part of me very well..i don't do this kind of revenge business...i hope that I have your best wishes and may the world be a better palce to live in....
::: Don't be a guy, be a man :::