Today's entry won't be of any interest to many...I'm not trying to gain any pity from anyone...I just need a space to vomit it all out...so spare me the criticisms..or whatever you call it...if you feel like puking just pass on...need not read this entry...

Look left.Look right.Look up.Look down.At any position of any degree, I see pain...even if i stand here rooted to the spot...it is a pain as it is...this period of time...going through the fires...I feel like I'm walking on along the line of fire...bang bang...drop dead...revived..bang bang...drop dead..apparently it appears to be a vicious cycle...there's no cessation to it...everyday new problems await me....it's so hurtful...no painkillers...wonder if it even exists...Has my life been like this all this while? Or is it just that I became more aware of it as i grow older...I am not feeling depressed or whatsoever...it's just pain..pure pain...I can imagine my heart being skinned...and quitting? It's not my style...I have nothing to fall back on...there's no place...or at least I haven't found one yet...that can be a perimeter where by I can seek refuge...even if there is...it will most probably be temporary...home? nah...school? haha...so where?...no where..I wish there's such a place....hmm..nope..can't find any place by that name inside the world map...I've realised that I'm dealing with this world on my own..as in without any other human beings...why? because the hurdles I'm going to jump over..eh wait...probably it's more to rampaging through...hmm yar that's more apt....are set up by me.Yes.Me...I don't know why I did that for...putting bullets through my head...maybe I'm darn stupid afterall...on top of that...there's tons of onuses that I have to take care of....hmm what the hell..syamil...look up and take a look..what do you see...never ending problems...what a long queue...can I have a coffee break?haha..you must be kidding, mel...the things that you're dealing with requires your immediate care....

urgent= fast, on top of the list

important= slow, takes time...needs the fullest attention

my stuff?...they fit the bill to both urgent and important...that's the highest level of challenge to me...it has yet to be achieved...see syamil? at least you're important...haha...the world needs you...if you don't exists..who will take care of these things....who??? so syamil...get yourself geared up..we'll take this baby up...surface! surface! surface! after a long time being in the dark waters...it's time for some fresh air...I know...i know very well...your labour doesn't come with a tag on it...the world doesn't recognize it...well..syamil..guess what? a syamil's got to do what a syamil's got to do....you'll be given a big test tommorrow...be ready for it...and for the up coming days of your life...you'll have more...don't worry yar...haha..so ironic...when there's actually a lot of things to worry about...

hmm...i think i might have puked all my stomach and intestines out...I feel empty..light weight...hey...reading back this entry....i sound like I'm the most ''problematic'' guy in the world..I really,really,really wish that this is the last entry which is so fucking bloody shitty<---there's such a word?...really...alright...enough of crap..let's pack it in...end of transmission...

P.S: Whatever i've written were what that cross my mind for the past.. say... 1hr or so...so it may be rather non-sensical even to me...and the paradox of it is inevitable...

::: Life is full of ups and downs but I love it anyway..1 shot all you've ever got... :::