Have to make an effort to remember this from time to time.

I'm officially 21 now. For the first time in the past 2 decades of my life, I'm actually reflecting on what I've become up till now as a person. And also what's my plan for the future.

As of recent, a lot of these reflections suddenly become much clearer. Much more real. It is as though it is unbelievable. Sometimes, I just feel this is going to fast. Now is already almost quarter of 2010. Soon enough, it'll be my 1 yr in NS. A year later, I will ORD/ROD(hopefully). Followed by the continuation of my studies. And then, I'm already out into the working world fully. Get a job. Support my family before creating a new family myself. Haha.

I guess what makes me realize all these are my surroundings.
I can see my parents ageing getting more prominent.
I can see my siblings graduating from their schools.
I can see the need for me to contribute to the family income in the very near future and so on so forth.

There is definitely a dire need for me to step up my game. Looking back at the past few years, I've been venturing to new grounds, some good and others not so good. I guess it is time for me to re-calibrate and carry on my life on more concrete grounds.

There are changes about myself that I wish to do. And my wish for this year are for all these changes to maintain throughout. Its all back to basics the way I look at it. To put it broadly, I will work on

1. my health
2. an all-time, continuous education
3. financial stability and
4. my spiritual being.

I'm sure its going to be tough but I guess I have to eventually start somewhere. And why not now, on my 21st birthday.

And so this sums up my thoughts on my 21st birthday. No big hoo ha party. Just me and my ideas. God will whatever I dream for will come to realization.

It's time! Let's go! :)

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; & if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me... an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." [Hadith Qudsi 15]

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “By Allah, I am not afraid that you will be poor, but I fear that worldly wealth will be bestowed upon you as it was bestowed upon those who lived before you. So you will compete amongst yourselves for it, as they competed for it, and it will destroy you as it did them." [Bukhari]

Since my enlistment, alot of heavy thinking has been going on and it all revolves around human behaviour. It was mostly painful but there were the small little good times which I found myself to treasure them alot.

And I realised how easy am I to be conveniently forgotten. I feel sad la but I am really grateful to God that he had showed me the way. Sending the good guys to come my way. They are not really new friends to say but we just got closer since Hari Raya. I see this reunion as one of the most valuable, awesome, prettiest, superbly beautiful and touching gift ever given to me. What more, I didn't really behave that well during Ramadan.

My life now is not that comfortable to me. The politics, facades, suck ups, unfairness and what not. Sometimes it gets really bad and at other times, it is just a little better because the key people aren't around. Those are the short-lived happy moments.

Recently, I have been going out with Iman,his bro Zainul, Shafiq, Anep and Halim. Being among them makes me comfortable and belonged and that guides me towards the correct path. I'm trying to mend my ways as much as I can. And I realized I'm pretty different from what I am last time.

Amidst the cloudy,dull, greyish, heavy clouds, I was given a single tiny silver lining. And that is enough to make me realize that I should be thankful with whatever that I have now.

I have only this one hope and that is not to ever lost contact with these people.

Frankly speaking, I don't have that much friends left. I don't think its because I have done something terribly wrong. But its just that I am not significant in their world.





It's painful when you're forgotten.

Nothing to celebrate about. Only when I was about to cling on onto the hope that is ever left for me for my next chapter in life, it went kaput. Blown away by whatever that's...apocalyptic powerful.

I thought at least it would be near to home. Office hours. Hmm...maybe I can waiver off the ''bleak'' future.

Well, the world isn't so nice and dandy.

Now I end up somewhere further. The way things behave now, I don't even know if this coming place is going to be confirmed. Maybe something else will happen? Maybe...its alright I wouldn't want to know what. Spare me the agony and let me sleep well tonight.

Temper is not very good these days. Horrible. I simply feel horrible these days.

I don't know man...I don't know.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9KsrH377A