My homie. My shell.

Journey and Destination

2010-08-18T18:38:00.002+08:00

Have to make an effort to remember this from time to time.

Please Don't Stop the Rain

2010-07-20T00:40:00.004+08:00

We can pray for sunny weather...

But that won't stop the rain.

21st: The Penny Drop

2010-03-23T00:50:00.003+08:00

I'm officially 21 now. For the first time in the past 2 decades of my life, I'm actually reflecting on what I've become up till now as a person. And also what's my plan for the future.

As of recent, a lot of these reflections suddenly become much clearer. Much more real. It is as though it is unbelievable. Sometimes, I just feel this is going to fast. Now is already almost quarter of 2010. Soon enough, it'll be my 1 yr in NS. A year later, I will ORD/ROD(hopefully). Followed by the continuation of my studies. And then, I'm already out into the working world fully. Get a job. Support my family before creating a new family myself. Haha.

I guess what makes me realize all these are my surroundings.
I can see my parents ageing getting more prominent.
I can see my siblings graduating from their schools.
I can see the need for me to contribute to the family income in the very near future and so on so forth.

There is definitely a dire need for me to step up my game. Looking back at the past few years, I've been venturing to new grounds, some good and others not so good. I guess it is time for me to re-calibrate and carry on my life on more concrete grounds.

There are changes about myself that I wish to do. And my wish for this year are for all these changes to maintain throughout. Its all back to basics the way I look at it. To put it broadly, I will work on

1. my health
2. an all-time, continuous education
3. financial stability and
4. my spiritual being.

I'm sure its going to be tough but I guess I have to eventually start somewhere. And why not now, on my 21st birthday.

And so this sums up my thoughts on my 21st birthday. No big hoo ha party. Just me and my ideas. God will whatever I dream for will come to realization.

It's time! Let's go! :)

Hadith 1

2010-01-10T22:37:00.002+08:00

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; & if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me... an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." [Hadith Qudsi 15]

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “By Allah, I am not afraid that you will be poor, but I fear that worldly wealth will be bestowed upon you as it was bestowed upon those who lived before you. So you will compete amongst yourselves for it, as they competed for it, and it will destroy you as it did them." [Bukhari]

Silver linings.

2009-10-27T21:26:00.002+08:00

Since my enlistment, alot of heavy thinking has been going on and it all revolves around human behaviour. It was mostly painful but there were the small little good times which I found myself to treasure them alot.

And I realised how easy am I to be conveniently forgotten. I feel sad la but I am really grateful to God that he had showed me the way. Sending the good guys to come my way. They are not really new friends to say but we just got closer since Hari Raya. I see this reunion as one of the most valuable, awesome, prettiest, superbly beautiful and touching gift ever given to me. What more, I didn't really behave that well during Ramadan.

My life now is not that comfortable to me. The politics, facades, suck ups, unfairness and what not. Sometimes it gets really bad and at other times, it is just a little better because the key people aren't around. Those are the short-lived happy moments.

Recently, I have been going out with Iman,his bro Zainul, Shafiq, Anep and Halim. Being among them makes me comfortable and belonged and that guides me towards the correct path. I'm trying to mend my ways as much as I can. And I realized I'm pretty different from what I am last time.

Amidst the cloudy,dull, greyish, heavy clouds, I was given a single tiny silver lining. And that is enough to make me realize that I should be thankful with whatever that I have now.

I have only this one hope and that is not to ever lost contact with these people.

Frankly speaking, I don't have that much friends left. I don't think its because I have done something terribly wrong. But its just that I am not significant in their world.

It's painful when you're forgotten.

400th

2009-09-15T23:14:00.002+08:00

Nothing to celebrate about. Only when I was about to cling on onto the hope that is ever left for me for my next chapter in life, it went kaput. Blown away by whatever that's...apocalyptic powerful.

I thought at least it would be near to home. Office hours. Hmm...maybe I can waiver off the ''bleak'' future.

Well, the world isn't so nice and dandy.

Now I end up somewhere further. The way things behave now, I don't even know if this coming place is going to be confirmed. Maybe something else will happen? Maybe...its alright I wouldn't want to know what. Spare me the agony and let me sleep well tonight.

Temper is not very good these days. Horrible. I simply feel horrible these days.

I don't know man...I don't know.

fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.
fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.
fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.fuckedup.shit.

Strength. Perseverance.

2009-09-01T23:17:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9KsrH377A

Signs by Patrick Hughes

2009-08-09T12:32:00.004+08:00

:(

2009-08-05T12:06:00.002+08:00

Sadded sia.

Although I saw ''angel'' today. For a barely 2mins.

Ouh sadded la because kena diao. I raiese my eyebrow but the only response I get was a expresssionless face.

NEVERMIND! I shall attempt to let it all out later when running. Heh. From don't feeling like running at all to desiring to run and breakdown walls.

Alrighto!!! ONWARD AR!!!! CHIONG AR!!!!

The other side of the hill

2009-08-04T20:35:00.004+08:00

Yesterday's entry ended abruptly. Apparently, right after I typed the last sentence, Darren entered the room. LOL.

Anw, had another run today at the track. I'm not really a fan of tracks. But anyways, today's run almost killed me.For the first time after a long while, I can feel the sudden rush of lactic acid. Squeezing my muscles like hell. haha. But like they always say, no pain no gain. Even typing all this is beginning to be a chore. Lols.

Haiz...sian. No "angel" today. Shall hit the bed and pray and work for a better 2moro. Actually, I'm still a few hours before hitting the bed.

Cuz I'm here, typing all these in sch.

SOR(Song On Repeat): I run to you by Lady Antebellum

Delights.

2009-08-03T19:34:00.002+08:00

Yo yo yo!

Has been a pretty happy day for me today. She just brightens the day. Something to look forward to everyday I guess? Heh. Trying to practise optimism and thus far I reckon its working. :)

Just ended my run with Darren actually. Am inside my clubroom typing all these. The run felt pretty effective. I believe it had done me some good. Although I might not need all these fitness that I'm trying to achieve.

I love hill runs. It feels like flying. Haha...

Pretty random stuff la I'm typing here. Waiting for Darren la to go bath.

heart

2009-07-16T23:15:00.003+08:00

Its been a while since I keep record of my thoughts.
Its been a while since I felt what I felt today.
On the contrary, its the first time I felt so angry at myself.
I felt so jinxed.
Felt so useless.

The first major blow was the letter from SMM. I am given a 6 months PES status of e9 l9. Firstly, I want to go through NS like any other majority of the guys. Despite the negative comments coming from friends, I at least want to have a chance of going into SISPEC or OCS. But with all this shit happening, the chances are pretty slim. Secondly, I don't think I am going to enjoy my time indoors for 2 years. And thirdly(the most horrible part), this process of confirming my medical status is taking too long. Long enough to prevent me from starting my studies at the earliest possible time. Fucked up. Although NS is effectively for 2 years, the timing is going to fuck up the whole schedule. Counting from the time i graduate frm TP to the time I actually start my uni, its like 3 years?

The most optimistic point I can direct myself to is that my PES status may be under review and will be confirmed at the end of the 6 months.

Then came the second blow which made me angry at myself. For slipping the chance away. In fact, its not only 1 but a few chances. As far as I know, today will be the last time I see her. Anyway, what's done is done. But I think this is a pretty deep shit hole I have to crawl out from. Argh..

Now, my priority is to make full use of my time. I'm hoping to go for a holiday during August before fasting month starts to roll in.

God bless.

''I know I'm not one of your favorites, and I'm not welcomed in your house, but I could use a little attention, please.''
- constantine

Train ride story

2009-02-13T02:16:00.003+08:00

12 February 2009

Today was the day I can finally let it go. The doubts. The grey areas. The hopes. It is not a bad thing per se. It's not a bad thing because finally feel that I can move on in life. I can finally decide. I can finally focus. Finally, I don't have questions that are left unanswered.

The word is ''finally''.

And it came at a good time too.

Now that I have other important things to attend to, I need not keep a tab on this one. I need not worry. I don't want to make the same mistake again; allowing this to hinder my progress in my academics.

The program is set.
Now, I just need to follow accordingly.

Above was all about the ''technicalities'' as I would put it.
Now, comes the feeling part.

It's high time to put my expertise into action. My strength. And that is, ignorance. I know very well that the feelings are present. But I can't let it live. Now that the picture is clear, I am given the green light to hide it, bury it. In other words, ignore it. I have to ignore it because it wouldn't do me any good otherwise. Instead, it will destroy whatever I've built so far. Especially the friendship. Not only will it have negative effects on me, but also to those around me.

Tonight will be the night,
That I'll leave this point.
Tonight will be the night,
That I say goodbye.

Thanks Hanz for sharing the info. If not for you, I will still be unsure of things.
I hope you'll find the answer to your question.
Let's hope for a good future ahead.
Let's smile this through. :)

Betting

2009-01-28T03:27:00.003+08:00

I've learn that...

you shouldn't place all your bets on one.

Too high of hopes. Just too high, way beyond the meter.

But, of course, no regrets.

That's one good thing.

Now, how many sets of numbers should I buy?

Get the hell out of my mind, you fucking negative thoughts.

Best of Times

2009-01-25T01:12:00.004+08:00

Daniel Powter - Best Of Me

I was made the wrong way
won't you do me the right way
where you gonna be tonight

'cause I won't stay too long

maybe you're the light for me
when you talk to me it strikes me
won't somebody help me

'cause I don't feel too strong

Was it something that I said

was it something that I did

or the combination of both that did me wrong

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along

Though it's not your favorite song

don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say

you know that some of us spin again

when you do, you need a friend

don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me

and I hate the thought of finally being erased

baby that's the best of me

Everything's behind you

but the hope still stands beside you

living in every moment

have I wasted all your time

Was there something that I said

was there something that I did

or the combination I broke that did me have

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along

though it's not your favorite song

don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say

you know that some of us spin again

when you do, you need a friend

don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me

and I hate the thought of finally being erased

baby that's the best of me

baby that's the best of me

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
though it's not your favorite song

don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say

you know that some of us spin again

when you do, you need a friend

don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me

and I hate the thought of finally being erased

baby that's the best of me

I hope and pray that we

won't have to reach that stage
Let's carry on enjoying the good times.

Of all places.

2009-01-23T03:04:00.003+08:00

The fountain.

What goes up will come back down.

Crash right down. Keyword: Crash.

Just for you.

2009-01-15T01:06:00.005+08:00

To my dearest friend,

It hasn't been even one year since we started on this journey but I've already feel like we have known each other for a very long time. It wasn't easy for me doing my job, running the club. There were always troublemakers, the stress and such. And you and Becky were the ones who I am actually comfortable enough with to share some of the load. We shared the laughter and gossips and a whole lot of other things be it associated with the club or otherwise. You guys are actually the first 2 people that I share the most things with in my entire life. And both of you are one of the reasons why I'm still here trying to finish off what I had been tasked to do. And at this point, I am very thankful to the seniors that they actually brought both of you in. You guys have seriously helped me alot and I do cherish the good times we had. I will always remember those times.

So the bottom line is, I am really grateful for both you and Becky's presence in my life and I sincerely hope that we can continue with this for the years to come with frequent meetings and our la kopi sessions. Me and Becky will be graduating soon but fret not we will always be there whenever you need us. And also have faith in the rest of the committee people like PC, Matt, Cuiwen, Guo Bin...I believe they are capable enough to support you.

Thanks a lot Hanz and Becky for the wonderful memories.
Thank you for adding colour to my life.
Thank you for the support you guys gave me especially for what had happened recently.
Thank you for everything.

Both of you are the best. :)
Love both of u loads.

With lots of XOXO [ haha ;) ],
Syamil

Specially for you.

2009-01-13T23:20:00.004+08:00

Dear so and so,

You have successfully captured my attention. I am glad to inform you that you have won this battle by making me mad all over. If I ever were to be given a chance to do anything I want without any consequences, I would have your head fixed inside an aeroplane's turbine. Allowing you to go through it a few rounds like how a sugarcane is to the squeezer machine.

And I would really love to say this straight at your face:

GOFUCKYOURSELFMOTHERFUCKER!GOSUCKYOUROWNBALLSFUCKFACE!GOTOHELLYOUFUCKER!

Sincerely and with 'love'
Syamil

Crazy Week

2009-01-12T00:36:00.003+08:00

Felt kinda fed-up at times when I can't get to go home early after school. When lessons are over, I will feel kinda thrilled, but at the thought of the meetings and stuff after that, it turns to, what the hell...

Actually I think, the major contributor of why I don't feel like staying in school these days is this one particular special person. The sight of this person sours my mood. Everytime...since a few months back. It wasn't like this back then. And its puzzling me how it turned out this way.

I've always thought it was my fault for the current turnout. But hell, you started bad mouthing started way earlier than I expected. Thanks a lot. So much for advising me to just say what I want when you don't even dare say it to me yourself. Complete rubbish. Not to mention you leaked stuff to 'outsiders'. That one really pissed me off.

I hope I won't do anything foolish. I think I'll just live my life like what Rihanna sings. I can't be disturbed and be bothered by your nonsense. If you think it is so easy, then go ahead and do it. I know I am not 'zai'. I'm just doing whatever I can.

Open House was kinda tiring. It was a blast too. Was kinda forced to step out of my comfort zone. And I am happy with the improvement from Day 1 till the last day be it the whole team or myself.

" Check-o fifa...go fifa langga "

" Chop chilli chop chilli chop chop chop... "

" Temasek is me Temasek is you... "

" Engine oiiii... "

" Engine get ready!!! "

" Chuma chuma kiss kiss "

" Who's gonna win, gonna win, gonna win... "

" Macho claps "

" Kun yang claps "

All that kinda summarise it all. Hahaz...was going mad with cheers even after the last day. Because after the last day ended, I went for the LAST recce for Night Cycling. WOHOO!!! And ya, everyone was irritated with the cheers that I kept singing. :D

The recce was rather happening at the start. And what Din said actually reminded me of some stuff. It was all prolly blessings in disguise.

Was feeling high from the start all the way to SMU, our turning point. After the nap there, I felt kinda weird and sick. I thought the nap was suppose to be helpful but in the end I felt worse.

While waiting to for the shop to open for us to return our bikes, played a little bit of games. Was having fun and it was really ROFL. It was enjoyable la playing with them...

Now, it all boils down to the real day. 17Jan.

I actually told myself that there'll be no more attachments. But after yesterday, I don't know. Were they actually what I think they are? I just pray for sincerity and honesty. Like always, I'm okay with either sides. I just need to be sure. I hope I didn't say any hurtful things yesterday. But I've this gut feeling that tells me that I did.

2009

2009-01-05T23:21:00.002+08:00

Had fun bbq-ing with my GLs on the eve of new year. And then some of us spent the night at Pasir Ris park. Nothing much la. I'm just glad I enjoyed myself.

Been busy lately. Made myself involve in the coming Open House and Engine school's orientation in April. Tiring also. Am exposed to politics and the likes. I hope to learn alot from here. Especially when this event is rather large scale. And I am also thankful that there are a few good people at least. I mean, if they are fucked up, then I wouldn't still be around in the committee.

Now I think I understand how Kenny felt 4 to 5 years ago. The time when he said being at the top feels rather lonely. It is really lonely up here. Decisions are in your hands. The steering wheel is within your control. I guess I've realized what is the essence of a leader; to be brave enough to decide and face the consequences thereafter be it good or bad, alone or with other people.

I sincerely hope my committee are not putting false fronts. I really hope they support me. Those people that I really trust, I just hope that they won't disappoint me.

I will be facing the big questions in a few days time. And at that time, I hope I can fuck that person upside down instead of the other way around.

My heart was raging just now.
And it still does.

I don't know why but I just feel like going for some hurting spree.

God bless myself and those around me.

Sweet Dreams

2008-12-03T02:52:00.002+08:00

The works of magic aye.

It was such a sweet dream. It paints a picture of what I really wish for all this while. It has not happened though. And I'm not that optimistic about it coming true either.

Your head on my shoulder, your arms around mine.
Your hair tied to a pony tail, sweet, young, jovial and innocent.
Your smile, the radiance.
We, walking down the road together.
My god, it just felt so...uplifting.
It was so vivid, so real.

I don't know why you appeared again after all this time. I suppose its impossible to forget the past when there's an attachment of strong feelings.

I can't help but to think that there's a possibility of us having this connection still.

Well, we all know the head tells us one thing while the heart tells us another.

Just my wishful thinking, perhaps?

Self-Discovery

2008-11-27T04:04:00.002+08:00

Things I thank God for:

1. Friends that are comfortable to talk with.
2. Parents that give me a lot of freedom.
3. MP judging is fucking over. What an irritating, disappointing session it was.
4. Asst. orgy for april orientation(like I didn't even attend any school orientation before, not even mine. LOL)
5. A happening life before I graduate.
6. The patience that I actually have. Can't believe I actually passed all that.

Things that I can't describe with any other word other than FUCK:

1. SIP/MP. Curse will almost be lifted soon.
2. The act of forcing beliefs into others.
3. The mindset that they can control other people's lives.
4. Stereotyping.
5. Fucked up jokes. Some jokes will turn into insults mind you.

For the past few days I haven't been feeling good. Don't really know what's the reason. But there were friends around to talk crap with and share thoughts with.

I already do.

A blast of exhaustion.

2008-11-20T02:03:00.003+08:00

Though the year is coming to an end, things are just getting more hyper. More happening.

I don't think its true la but neither can I deny the signs totally. But what the heck? You talking about her? Tio bo...I bet 90% that that's not the case.

Anyway, I'm pretty much exhausted now. There's MP stuff that needs to be completed. Night cycling registration. Cambodia people coming down to Singapore. Quizes, term tests. Open house.

Wah...tak leh cam ni ar bang...penat seh...haiz...

All I want is to sleep and indulge in my own world. But what can I say man...shit happens.

Tired ar. To you who are feeling tired, hit the sack. Live to die another day they always say. ;)

Shocked till cannot shock anymore.

2008-11-13T10:02:00.002+08:00

For more than 2 frigging years, it didn't happen. And now it did. Amazing.

Seriously, I don't know whether to feel sad or happy. :) /:( ???

But it did set the day different. Felt restless for the whole day. This might not be the perfect word to describe it but the feeling was rather "overwhelming".

The sight really stunned me. And she seemed relatively far, out of reach. And damn it I was seriously stunned. Rooted on the spot or what have you.

I hope none of the other passengers caught me staring at you. LOL.

It was one in a million kind of chances. I doubt I'll get that again.

P.S: Its freaking busy these days. Shit happens. But nevertheless... chiong ar!!! LOL :)

1stRecce

2008-10-22T00:16:00.003+08:00

Yeah. Conducted the 1st recce for night cycling on Saturday night. It was fun la. I finally ate at Lau Pa Sat again after so many years. 30 satay sticks, 1 plate of fried rice, 1 plate of fried noodles. 3 hungry people. Yeah :D

Let's put up a good show ey! :D Still got lots to do!

Just now I just realized, Jurong is not that far from Tampines lei haha.

Complain.

2008-10-14T00:56:00.007+08:00

LAMBORGHINI ESTOQUE @ PARIS MOTOR SHOW 2008

Disclaimer: The following is just for ranting purposes. It is not directed at anyone in particular or you who is reading. This just for my own enjoyment and pleasure. Please understand. Thank you.

KNN!!! ^%$%$^#$%$*%*%*$&%^&&%&%&^(%$###11432%#$#^#^

Sian la...open my inbox only, got so many emails. Night time already lei...still got this kind of bullshit. A lot already nvm, the content ah sibei sian. Like wanna fight littat. Wanna fight come out fight la. Come jurong la. Flood my inbox oni...u think free ar??? (ya la actually its free lol...just a figure of speech).

I feel damn sian la. When I want to take a break then things like to 'chap' in. If good things nvm but bad things. Talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. Nobody wants to listen AND understand. Nobody wants to compromise. Nobody wants to be forgiving either. Does anyone here know work ethics??? Haiz...sian. People mah. Human mah. Selfish. Wah. If can ah, wanna jump down already. Or bang head on the wall or go one corner draw circle until I die. I can't say this out la ok so I just say it here.

FUCK YOU LA! (to those who had/will ruined/ruin my day.)

What should I do??? Zhi mo pan??!!!! Arseholes!!!!

Super duper sian. But I did sign up for this on my own free will. Just that I failed to see that there's more than meets the eye. Shit la...as usual, this decision made has its pros and cons. Dealing with mtfs, shitbags and the likes...wth? Worse than ___? Hard to say.

Climb my head la...climb so more. Shit so more. CCBs...we see what happens next la hor. I oso dunno wad will happen in future.

Cheers to all those that are out there fighting the same shit as ME! :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today started off ok la...lets count my blessings. :)

1. Finally finished watching Awake. Cool story. 2 words: anesthetic awareness. Go figure.
2. My boss said my hair nice. HAHAHA.
3. Met with chio bu today! She's my boss's client. Working in DBS. But I think she's taken. But who cares?! Just enjoy while it last (as in enjoy seeing her pretty face). And hopefully get to see her on Wed. :))))))) And I got her number oso! My boss give one. For working purposes nia...hahaha
4. Chio bu said pop corn look shiny and delicious.
5. Chio bu said pop corn tasted delicious.
6. Chio bu tied her hair infront of me and she smile a lot of times! Happy sia..she happy I oso happy! :)))) 7. Finished dimensioning today! Should be able to send for punching liao la! (mechanical engineering terms ar haha)

I LOVE CHIO BUs AH!!!!!!!! WOOTS!!! :)))))))))

Today was my hyper-active day! Hope there are more of such days! KILL BOREDOM!!!

Trying to end everyday with a smile. :)

Of beauty.

2008-10-05T05:32:00.004+08:00

Just watched Love Guru.

And Jessica Alba reminds me of Lyndel. Hahahaz. Somehow. Prolly the smile. Don't think too far. I've nothing for Lyndel. But I wouldn't mind her being my girl. LOLS.

Anyway, I'm kinda bored hence the post.

For safety and courtesy reasons, I shall not give the key to her site. :D

And here she is! No, not Lyndel. But Jessica. Haha.

Beautiful.

Where I've been.

2008-09-27T00:55:00.002+08:00

Still in Singapore. Though I really could use some time-out. Away from Singapore. Away from school.

I guess I'll just list what has been on my agenda for the past weeks.

1. NCC Day Dinner:
So far this is the last time I saw Sgt Eric. Now he's Mr Eric. No more No.4. No more NCC. Hahahaz. Wishing him all the best in his future and stay KILAT all the way eh! Hope to see him soon too. Somehow. LOL

2. Camp Feast (Part A):
Took care of kiddies. Worked with newbies. HAHA. No offence arh to the 55th people. LOL. Anyway, its a little different from previous CFs. A little more difficult to manage but overall its okay I suppose. Oh and I really appreciate the PA system HQ plugged at the canteen. Now at least there's some entertainment. And some volume advantage. No need to shout like some sick ass dog. LOL.

3. JXSP by E2 Matrix:
A short camp in school. Power pack sia. This camp cover 2 days of the week. Then, go home for one night and came back to school for another stretch of camping days(i.e SME subcom camp). This camp okay la. Logistic member. So its quite slack arh. Anyways, it was good working with Chin Hong. Funny guy. Hahaha.

4. SME subcom camp:
Organizer for this camp. Don't want to say much. It was tiring I must say. Discovered alot of things. Saw true colours. Kinda colourful la. Anyway, in someway I did enjoyed myself. That's a relief. For the camps in school, can't forget the suppers and early breakfasts I had. Hahahaz. Though I was damn tired to even eat. Got once I was already half-sleeping at the eating table. LOL. Not because the food took too long to arrive. Its just that I'm too shagged. More to mentally shagged la. Hahaha. My mental capacity a bit cannot make it. LOL.

Then for the past week have been coming back to school pretty often. MP still not settled yet. Still got work to do. Anyway, fasting ending next week. I feel its pretty fast this year. I guess its due to the activities that filled my calendar.

Not feeling very happy sometimes these few days. :( Don't know what to do. We humans should learn how to listen and be less selfish(not in terms of materialistic stuff). Haiz. Understand and Compromise. That's the skill you guys need. And I need the skill to address this issue to you guys. But how?

I'm getting tired. Nevertheless I still need to move and continue.

I keep thinking and dreaming of having a dream team. But so far haven't see the people yet.

Till next time readers.
Enjoy life!
Cheers to life! :)

SSC

2008-09-02T23:55:00.003+08:00

Back from camp.

To all Sea and West C/Offrs involved, I thank you guys and girls a hell lot for the support and co-operation given. Frankly speaking, I was surprised that we were able to work together pretty well without much conflict. Cheers to the times to come when we might work together as one again. And if there's anything that I had failed to accomadate to, accept my apologies yeah.

Given my capability and personal state at that period of time, I guess that was all I could give. I tried my best to steer myself towards professionalism and I suppose I was 50% there.

Not forgetting the NSFs who provided their support too. Especially in dealing with the cases throughout the 3 days. Seriously, I think this course has serious issues man. Problems keep rolling in like meatballs rolling down conveyor belts. I'm just glad all of it are taken care of. And it would be impossible without you guys around, being our brothers covering each other's backsides.

And finally to all cadets, congratulations to all. All the best for your future.

Sincerely from,
your OIC.

The camp was yet another whole new experience for me. Being at a new position in a new course. A course that I had not attended before. There were definitely lots to learn and I believe I deserve a pat on my back on how I managed to control my raging emotions.

I read the appraisals written by the cadets. And I find it true and shall improve myself on that if I have the chance. That is, to interact more with the cadets so that they can get to know me better. I agree that I didn't spent much time with you guys and girls. Hardly mixing around. Its just sad la. I wish I was more prepared and was given a more favourable situation so that I can do the above. During the course, I did have things to take care of but I was sure that there was some time for me to go around and mingle with you people.

Anyway, my time in NCC is running short. I hope to enjoy the rest of my life here.

Secret: I was in some sort of an emotional turmoil during the course. Feeling fucking emo and all. Tired not due to physical work but due to mental and emotional exercise. Hopefully, my facial expression didn't give way. Feelings. They are damn lousy when it comes to mannerism. Why in hell can't they knock before coming in? And to you, I wish I could. I am binded by both self and external policies. The rules that sat on me were tight and there was nothing much I can do. I wish I could have bluetooth-ed what I felt to you. But well, that's just ridiculous eh. Oh wells. Just as always. Come. Tear. Go. Sickening.

An ending.

2008-08-27T23:29:00.008+08:00

I suppose this is it. The end of another routine. Meaning, the end of seeing you every morning. Or rather, most of the mornings. I don't think you even care a hoot but then this is just my side of the story. There's not much of a story anyway. It's all summed up in the following sentence. Seeing you at the first carriage in the wee hours of the morning started my days pleasantly. I saw this day coming. Falling out of this routine and going into another probably in 2 months time. I just feel heavy hearted la simply said. But when one's got to go, he has to go. A man needs to do what a man needs to do. LOL. Yesterday, I was damn fed up when I didn't see you. But lo and behold I saw u when I was on my way home. It was damn unexpected. And I smiled to myself. Haha. So tomorrow is the last chance that I know of, to see you. I hope I will. Because today I missed the chance. I've a feeling you've fallen ill. Hope you get well soon. And I haven't see you smile before. I wonder how it will look like...I hope tomorrow I can stop wondering. Aiya, I'm asking too much la.

And you. The Elisha C. look alike. I think. Haha. Nothing la. Just that you attracted my attention. Maybe I will also go and read CSI books. Anyway I like the Miami series. Haha.

Damn, I'll miss those moments. :(

Yeah man. SIP coming to and end soon. Finally. It's been enriching. I just hope our grades can make it to an A. 29 August. That's it. Bye-bye Philips.

I think school life is still the best la. More happening. Haha. It just feels better.

Anyway, this Friday booking in for SSC. Right after work. SSC. Hmm.

Will it be a blast?

NDP 08

2008-08-10T09:21:00.004+08:00

This year one was a lil happening.

Was going on the way to the mosque on Friday when I saw school kids forming a line hand to hand along the roads of Toa Payoh. I was sitting at the bus stop when I realized that the class in front of me was a class 1/3 from some secondary school. And their outgoing behaviour, their vigour, their energy, their wilderness(LOL) reminded me of my own secondary school days. From sec 1/3 all the way to 4/3. A life full of 3s eh. Hahahaz. My mom once told me that that was my lucky number. Well, I suppose so.

Anyway, had a meeting later that day. And it turned out alright and infact kinda productive. With Mr Andy around, it was also a meeting full of fun and laughter. Well, its the ties that binds. Its the friendships that keep things going and feel less dreadful. Had dinner after that. At a playground. HAHA. And then I was damn lucky to be on time for my last train. Its freaking horrible if I were to miss that train I tell you. Go home by cab. Its unimaginable. Simply horrific.

Woke up quite late on National Day itself. Slack around before heading out to meet my hockey peeps. Watched the fireworks and had a simple dinner. Well, let the pictures carry on for me. Too lazy to elaborate. Ouh ya, 1 thing. should have gone for cycling la...HAHAHAHA. Nvm.

P.S: I like the song "Shine on me Singapore" a lot. Hahaz.

4th: Malay Wedding Celebration

2008-08-03T22:19:00.002+08:00

At first a bit reluctant la. Shy. HAHAHA.

But after a while, adapted to the environment liao. The people there were friendly although most of them seems rich. But anyways, was surprised to see eye-candies there. As in I didn't expect it at first la. hahaz. whatever la hor.

The weather was bloody hot. Then one young girl nearly fainted. Due to dehydration. Wah, that one really made me panic for a while.

Tiring day today. Thanks a lot to the power trip. If not no break time for me. Phew. LOL

Great day. With great people. Though I hardly know them.

Mandarin Oriental

2008-08-03T02:00:00.003+08:00

Today's event was there.

The moment I entered the hallway, I was like going what the F@###!~?? Its so damn cool la. The view from the hotel was awesome. The architecture inside was fabulous. I don't know how to describe la. Go see it for yourself. LOL.

So made my way to the pool side. A lot of ang mohs there. Didn't take note of them though.

Let's go to the point of this entry eh.

I think I saw no. 5. She was one of the waitress there. Wah...mesmerized...LOL

I was stunned. I'm still not sure la. Maybe it is. Maybe not.

Anyway, tomorrow's event is at CCK. Malay wedding.

Damn sad.

2008-08-02T02:29:00.001+08:00

Feeling rather down these days. Seems like every part of my life just got fucked up one way or another. Feeling damn sian.

Didn't play again today. So that's it for my tournament.

Though we didn't get any medal this time round, I found something to take back home. An ultimately important reflection to me.

Chances don't come easy. The moment you get it, seize it.

After ITE match, I didn't even have a chance on the pitch for whatever reason I don't know.

Too sad to even be angry la. Crap.

Loss. But happy nevertheless. LOL

2008-07-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

Ya. Loss the freaking game. I know this will make me sound like a sore loser but I sincerely believed that we were damn unlucky. I seriously believed we could have won the game. We had our fair chances at goal. And they had like 4 short corners an all was converted to goals.

I was sub in again for the last 10 mins or so. I was so close to scoring when I missed my first hit. It was a nice pass from Reuben but in the end I flopped it.

I feel sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I obviously wasted my chance and let the team down. But happy because I was that close. That inch close to scoring. Just maybe I might score tomorrow. I seriously hope so la. I really feel excited when playing striker. I love that position alot. :D

Was also happy because I had dinner with majority of the hockey team both boys and girls. It has been a really long time. Though it was just and hour or so, I felt good la. At least the loss of the game wasn't so sore.

Tomorrow is another game. Enjoying it and doing my best is what's most important.

Looking forward towards the game. Against ITE. Will try to score a goal. That's my goal. :)

Shall be hyper tomorrow. It feels great making people laugh. Especially girls. Hehehes :)

Fucked up.

2008-07-22T23:30:00.003+08:00

Ya. That's how I'm feeling. Actually, I'm too fucked up to even type about this.

I feel deceived being drawn into this place. It doesn't feel like a family at all. Not to all but a few. I guess when God pulls up your strength somewhere, another part is being brought down.

I thought when I commit myself into this, I would actually enjoy what I'm doing. Well, that does not seem to be the case. I realized I am more unhappy rather than happy. Yes, I'm aware of the responsibilities. I'm aware of the burden. But what I do not expect are the constrains that are set.

The job itself is demanding so to speak. Planning ahead. Thinking far. Taking care of EVERYTHING. Wow. It sounds like some honorable job. But in actual fact, a lot of mental and emotional battles takes place. A lot of shit are thrown at you. Crude comments. No understanding or compromises from people that I thought would understand.

I suppose this is a glimpse of the fucked up side of the real world. Which shows the fucked up people of the world.

I don't know if anyone had told you this. Leadership is not in the textbook. Leadership is never a one road only. You have your style and I have mine. Yes, some things are to be done in certain way. But definitely not everything. I have been tolerating your direct and frank remarks. I am not rebutting strongly because I'm trying to accept your feedback in a positive manner. And to tell you the truth, I have little respect for you. No matter how high you succeed in your academic and what not, I still don't see you as an example that I would follow.

I was offered to take up this position. And I was and am still bewildered on why you guys chose me to be in this position. When you guys have only met me for the first time. When you guys know that I didn't even have history regarding these things. And when you threw me into the team, all of us were noobs. Only a few are experienced. And these people don't offer me much help, sometimes even co-operation are hard to get. So, is it wrong that I do things this way? During the interview, I've already mentioned, I am the kind when given the role, I don't see myself as being above the rest. I represent the team. I would like them to provide their own feedback and we work together and decide together as one. Having said along those lines during the interview, J understood what I meant. And now I wonder whether you do.

I don't see them as my slaves for goodness sake. True, they are my subordinates. But I don't push people around. I would like to earn my respect, and not demand it. You guys talk about being family and bonded but if I were to control and order these people, then how can there be a chance to bond. I respect those people who have been around you. For their tolerance on your behaviour. For their understanding. I'm sure you yourself know about this more than anyone else. Because you did mention it before. But what's the use of words when your actions speak a different thing?

I will enjoy more without you around. I will listen to your feedback. That's all I would do. Listen.

I don't want to cause a stir. Because I don't see this place worth fighting for. I'm doing my best here simply because that's how I am. I will see you soon. And I can't promise it will end in a good way. We'll see. Hopefully, my tolerance is still there. Control the outbursts of emotions.

Anyway, congrats on successfully making my mood a little sour tonight. Choose your words wisely. That's all the advice I can give you. But then again, I'm sure you already know that.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-21T23:16:00.004+08:00

Caught it with CM and W. The starting part of the story already sent me into the wow mode. Smart ass freak joker. He got his team members to kill each other during an armed robbery. That's damn cool la. Don't get me wrong though. I'm no supporter for crimes. Neither am I a supporter of betrayals.

Anyways, its a simply awesome movie. Its a ''must buy the dvd'' rated kidna movie. Damn shiok la. I was supposed to watch it with XR, C and prolly some other people but they were taking too long and ya, I gave up waiting. So sorry guys. I just can't wait. XD Partly was because my hockey capt. told me on Saturday that the movie was damn good. And after watching the movie, I agree to that even more.

I think the movie touch alot of topics regarding human behaviour and some other Psychology issues. Its not so much of the effects but the unique storyline that makes the movie so damn good. And it broke the box office record as I read on today's newspaper. Apparently it overtook our Mr Spidey 3 movie.

A takeaway from the movie: The night is darkest just before the dawn.

18,19,20.21?

Double Shock

2008-07-16T00:56:00.003+08:00

Ya. Got double shocked at like 12 plus in the morning. Can't wait for another time to update la.

Anyway, its good and positive shocks.

1st shock: Someone I didn't think would come here actually came here. Wah sneaky eh? HAHA kidding. No issue anyway. Just pleasantly shocked. Can sleep better later. LOL. :D

2nd shock(which came like 15 minutes later): Shol pm-ed me. He told me I was chosen to be OIC for SSC. Wah. Just when I was thinking about it this morning. Actually, if I didn't get also, I don't mind. Cause, this period I'm damn packed with my dip. club stuff. Tired.

Yeah. Little they may seem to be but means a hell lot to me. :)

Boh lui?

2008-07-13T00:38:00.002+08:00

Although there's allowance given, I still find difficulties handling my money matters. I know its all up to me to control how much I spent and stuff but some things are just necessary from the way I see it.

The only way to cut down is my own food intake. Wherever I can cut I should cut. I cannot spend freely on food anymore. I have to consider the cheapest option.

Sometimes I do think money is everything.

I find socialising a chore. Not the act of interaction with people itself but the activities that are carried out together. Just a simple meal be it lunch or dinner will have a huge impact on my wallet. That's why I feel very agitated and out of place when I'm with my rich friends. I look at them I feel damn sian. They can just watch movies, pretty much every other weekend. They can just spend how mcuh they want on food. And some don't even earn their own money la.

I feel fucking irritated la when going out with these people. It hurts but then again its obviously not their fault that they have money and want to eat good food. That's why I bo pian. I can't say anything. Reality fucking hurts. Reality enjoys taunting me. Crap.

Fuck money la. Fuck temptations.

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STUFF I MENTIONED ABOVE.

Went out with peeps from the sportsclass. Went to eat at Marina Square. The food is good la. I like the rice and the tahu goreng I think. Yeah. I enjoyed myself la even though I was feeling rather tired. The whole day I was outside. Morning saw me at school having hockey training. Followed by lunch with hockey boys. Then went to Novena to meet friends to buy birthday present for another friend. Followed by meeting with the 4/3 people for dinner. It seems like we didn't grow from secondary school. It still feels like a class and ya, pretty much like how we were last time. Its hard to believe but time just fly like that. I didn't regret coming. It really feels like home to me. :D Thanks Nicole for organizing!

Yeah I guess that's all. Shall go and rest.

When?

2008-07-02T00:13:00.001+08:00

Dreamt of the end of the world yesterday night. Pretty scary. I don't know la. It just seems more possible now. With the on goings around the world. With how things are now. Whatever it is. I don't want to face it. I prefer to die first. But then again, I'm not prepared for either of these. There's so much mistakes I've made that needs correction. So much things to fulfill. I don't want to leave this world tainted with sins. And I find it difficult as it accumalates as the days go by. I'm wondering if I've enough time. As they say, anything can happen to anyone, anytime.

Pardon me for the pessimism. These are just things that are running through my mind.

Let's move on to a lighter note.

Watched WANTED today! Yeah...watched it with my OCP mates. It feels so damn good just to see each other again. Even though it was just for a few hours. Definitely enjoyed myself. The movie was damn nice la but since the beginning I was already thinking, wtf, can like that one meh? Curving bullets intentionally and stuff. Running at light speed. Jumping across a building to another which are like so far apart? LOL.

Anyway, no matter how unrealistic it is I still like it. :D

The catch word of the movie: FUCK.

HEH.

P.S: Going for hockey team selection tomorrow. WISH ME LUCK! ;)

Accidents.

2008-06-26T23:11:00.003+08:00

Came across an accident yesterday somewhere near my workplace. Another one today at Boon Lay.

It's pretty scary come to think of it. Anything can happen at anytime.

My own version of accidents have not been physical so far. More of the opposite rather. Targets keep popping out in my radar. Half of me is happy while the other half is totally otherwise. Its pretty superficial I guess. Nothing much to look into. I wonder what went through their minds at that first point of contact...Hmm...

Pretty tired and fucking exhausted lately. On MRT, had a couple of near falls due to sleeping while standing. Embarassment was overruled by sleepiness and its friends.

Kind of a pointless entry. Oh well. I'm just bored. SIP, faster end please.

Pearl white heart wrapped with diamond black.

Hit.

2008-06-23T21:53:00.001+08:00

Was contemplating in the bus a few hours ago. And a thought struck me. Hard.

Have I destroyed other people's lives by my actions? And if yes, am I still doing that?

Fucking guilt. Regret.

Fucked up.

Swensen's girl.

2008-06-22T23:31:00.005+08:00

Today was pretty much a good day although the morning had been sort of a drag. Went to play pool at Bukit Timah with WY and CM. Today's performance was so-so. Was quite bad at certain point of time. The best was when I put in about 4-5 balls in a row. I felt damn great la. Hahaz.

After which we hop down to Swensen's for dinner. I wasn't feeling hungry and was on tight budget anyway so I just had the Frosted Chocolate Malt. And yeah, didn't regret my order. :)

Okay. So you might be wondering who's the girl I'm refering to in my title. Let's just name her E. Haha. I dare say she's the first Malay(I believe she's one) girl I'm interested in. She looks sweet and innocent, just like me! LOL. Well, basically I've seen her before once. Which is during early May this year. At the same place. Not at the same time though. But it was a Sunday. Anyway, expressed my interest to CM and WY and ya...the teasing keeps on going. And I became more mad la. Was pretty hyper. Hahaz. Then got one time I was playing with my phone when I didn't realize that she was actually refilling our glasses with ice water. When she was halfway doing that I looked up and realized what was happening. I was damn surprised la. LOL.

Then, I drank like 4-5 glasses la, each time hopeing that she would refill again. MAJOR LOL. HAHA.

Haiz. That Swensen's ar...holds the few best moments of my life. N, XR,E. Oh my oh my.

Didn't expect it to happen la. Now 3 people are in the same league. When will the one jump onto this bandwagon? I can't only wait and wonder on...

ERIKA. Sweet like my frosted chocolate malt. XD

Of an old friend.

2008-06-21T18:57:00.002+08:00

I stumbled upon your another blog by accident this morning. And my first impression was: you sound way different from your current blog. I can almost feel the 'heavy-ness'(if there's such a word) in your entries. The pressures you are facing and stuff.

Just a few words of encouragement for you, though I believe this will have very little chance of reaching your knowledge.

I must say that I'm very proud of what you have become today. Though things did not go your way, you pressed on for your dreams. Its pretty difficult to find people who are like you these days. What I want to say is, you have achieved a lot of things albeit that some of the things are tangible while some others are'nt. I look up to you because looking at myself, I'm nowhere close to what you are now. Heads up ey, you will make it one day. You will meet your expectations. For your own sake, please keep up with what you're doing and the way you approach life. The values you hold for yourself will bring you far. And one more thing, my hope remains the same as it is about 3 years ago, that you'll believe in love some day. Some day. Some day you'll find the person you've been looking for and that you end up well being with him.

That's all for you, old friend.

P.S: Was a little happy when you actually mentioned something that gave me the message that you actually had not forgotten about me. Unless I'm not one of the 2 that you mentioned.

PP=Power Panda.

2008-06-09T22:09:00.003+08:00

Yeah! I want my pp as strong as pp! Nevermind. Was just being lame. Anyways, watched Kungfu Panda yesterday with the ADC peeps at Plaza Sing. What a bunch of noisy company la. And I literally mean the 2 meanings of company; friends and also approximately 1oo strength men. You want to know why? I bet you wouldn't want to know.

Anyway, the movie was smashing! Like how Po(no not Teletubbies, its the Panda. Although I suspect that they are somehow from the same family) whacked Tai Lung(the evil guy). Yup. It was super funny la. Damn cute. Neveertheless, underneath those laughter there are some life lesson takeaways that somehow restore the old values that have been long gone from me.

"Yesterday was history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it's called present."

I highly recommend this to kids la. I mean it is some sort good in the point of view of moral education.

A few seemingly good movies are coming soon. Dark Night. Zohan. Incredble Hulk. Shaolin Girl seems nice. Cool stuff.

Went to play pool after that. At Meridien. I love walking through town. Free washing eyes services. DAMN GOOD STUFF! GUA KATA SAMA LU LA BRADER, BARANG BAIK PUNYA!!! Hahaha. Freaking happy la. Especially at the pool place. And suddenly I played pool at my top performance la. Hahaha. But still not that good yet la haha.

That pretty much ended my weekends. Enjoyed myself albeit at cost of a hell lot of money. Burnt a hole in my pocket la. But it was worth it. :D I guess that is all that matters.

Ouh ya, Ben told me today that there's a cheaper place for pool. Somewhere opposite PS. Damn. Would be good to know that earlier. Hahaz.

P.S: I've been wanting to say this but I kept forgetting. So here goes. It has been more that just once instance that this happens. Since the past couple of weeks, I seem to see resemblances of you in other people. It's kinda awkward because I'll be like staring for a while just to confirm its not you. Haiz. Sometimes I feel like I've gone bonkers. But all is still within means. Manageable. :)

Believe. So tough to believe. Even if it means in yourself.

Power to the people.

2008-06-08T00:21:00.003+08:00

Power. Somehow almost everywhere I look, people seem to fight for it. Club. NCC. The world.

It's the overwhelming desire for this that causes havoc and breaks peace and efficiency. How sad. If put too good use, imagine how nice the world would be. But then again, what's so good about a perfect world. What's next if the world is so perfect free from all troubles, desires and what not?

Anyways, whatever it is, I still don't like it if I see this. People fighting for power. Especially when they are fighting with me. Damn. I didn't even ask for this. But since its entrusted and I already accept it, how can I stop half way right? Fuck it. It came to me more than once to quit this. But I think that's just the way of being a pussy. So yeah. Its up to me to change things. My main stand is not to surf using the board of emotions. That would be terrible.

Damn. Damn. Damn. I need some stress reliever.

Quote of the day:

"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve."-Dr Napolean Hill

Some random stuff:

- Something damn funny and kinda embarassing happened today. Was chasing this bus 99 in the rain. No, I did not fall. Just imagine a guy running with and umbrella and suddenly woosh! the umbrella flapped upwards due to the strong wind. Major LOL. And to top that up, it happened in front of the bus stop where there's a number of people. And before going up the bus, I heard a kid's laughter. Neh neh pok. Laugh at me. HAHA. Funny.

- I love cheap thrills!!! Basket sia. What's with some women these days. Bend 90 degrees be more careful and discreet la. No need to show everything mah. But I dare say I didn't see la. Later people say I chee ko pek. I don't such a label. Hahaz.. Pleasant looks is enough for me. Need not show more. Not in public. :)

Away. For (my own) good.

2008-05-31T05:48:00.002+08:00

Yep. Will be away virtually for a while till I get my com back up and running(i hope, instead of just walking).

Blogging from school now. Camping alone sia. Quite scary. Hahaz. But can la. Its a good spend alone time. A good time for me to relax too after a week of hectic schedule.

Basket sia. Since having attachment I like got no life like that. KNN. But okay la, at least now got incentive so I better keep my mouth shut and just count my blessings. :)

You might be wondering why I'm in school camping. Well, yesterday night was SME's (some diploma club in TP) AGM. So ya. It ended off pretty late as I've expected. And yeah, my staying overnight at school was already planned. And to top it off I need to reach school the next day which is today early. Cause I'm having a hockey friendly match. Hope I won't be too shagged to play later.

On a different issue, I'm having a lot of mixed feelings right now. Somehow, nothing seems to stay. It keeps on changing everytime. Like what they say, the only thing that's constant are changes.

Ouh yeah. My phone's sms service is down too. So I can't neither receive nor send sms-es. My apologies if you messaged me and I didn't reply. For this, I don't know when I'll get it fix. by the looks of it not that soon. One other option I can go to is to downgrade to my other phone which has just the basic functions.

Anyway's the phone that I've been eyeing for was just released locally. SE G700. Sadly, I can't upgrade my plan until November. Damn.

Of sorts.

2008-05-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

I'm wondering. Of some things which are rather heavy and a burden to the head.

Its a new environment. And somehow I feel its gonna be a lil worse than NCC. I suppose of all the hundreds of students, I am chosen because of a reason.

Things are heating up a lil here. Frankly, I don't see why it has to be this way. And there's a lot of issues to straighten up.

As the head, I need to keep cool. That's the only way to keep things under control.

Leading with Temperance. That's my style. ;)

Naughty.

2008-05-19T20:41:00.002+08:00

Haiz. being a naugthy boy these days. Not so naughty la hor but...aiya. Fickle minded Syamil. Sian. Too easily succumbed to temptations. Nevermind! I will toughen up! RAH!!!! LOL

Mariah Carey is SO HOT !!!!!AH!!! Haha...I like her partly because she adapts well to changes. I see that in the songs that she sings, comparing last time and now. And I hardly hear gossips about her, you know those Hollywood kinda stuff. Full-blown media coverage stuff. Like Britney Spears. Eeewww..but some of her recent songs are not bad too. But she is really out of shape la for an artiste. Don't really know how she looks like now though. She's born on March 27 1970(so close to my birthday! HAH!)! She like almost 40 la but her body is sooooo fabulicious. Touch my body...

She's not fantastically pretty la according to MY standards. But hell yeah she got the 2 Bs. XD

In need for some reformatting of brain. Anyone can provide me with such service?

Can't get enough...

2008-05-17T23:56:00.006+08:00

Random.

2008-05-17T07:20:00.004+08:00

Yo. Its a Saturday morning and yeah a long weekend is in view! Hahaz. 3 days before work sets in again. Let's enjoy ey.

Anyway, am blogging from school. To be precise SME room. Yup. Had a meeting yesterday night. Ended at around 12. After which the few of us went for supper opposite school. Cool stuff! I love eating at night/verrry early in the morning. It feels more relaxing la...

Some photos...

Strength.

2008-05-14T22:16:00.003+08:00

As a leader, you have to be strong even when you're weak. Sometimes, it's important to pretend. Somehow it will turn out the way you visualize it to be.

BE strong.

Something that dawned on me last night. After facing some "difficulties" in some areas of living on this fragile world, I finally realized I'm some fucking weakling whining about why life is so imperfect. And, yeah, that's the reason for the inverted commas guarding the word "difficulties".

Its nothing la, compared to the people in China who are affected by the earthquake. Compared to the people in Mynmar suffering the after effects of cyclone Nagris. Compared to the starving people in Cambodia who has to cope with the increase of prices of rice by like 3 times?

Ya...just some reflections. Be thankful eh.

Something random. Was at the toilet at Toa Payoh Central this afternoon, on the way home from work. I was doing my business and this faucking arse SOB was doing the up down action. WTF right? Have some respect for yourself can? Its a public toilet for god's sake. I can't believe I actually lived through that moment. Plus the toilet reeks of shaaaiiit. Lucky no need to pay 10cents. I will confirm KBKB.

dif·fi·cult
play_w2("D0216600")
(df-klt, -klt)
adj.
1. Hard to do or accomplish; demanding considerable effort or skill; arduous: "To entertain is far more difficult than to enlighten" Anthony Burgess. See Synonyms at hard.
2. Hard to endure; trying: fell upon difficult times.
3. Hard to comprehend or solve: a difficult puzzle.
4. Hard to please, satisfy, or manage: a difficult child.
5. Hard to persuade or convince; stubborn.

[Extracted from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/difficult]

Don't believe the meaning. It's from a free dictionary anyway. Dare not to believe it?

Full and Bloated.

2008-05-10T00:39:00.002+08:00

Yep. That's what I felt after eating the pasta and 1 slice of Sarpino's Pizza(in fact, it seems that my stomach takes in lesser food these days). Had a mini celebration for the May birthday boys and also to mark the end of our OCP. But surely the friendships and bond we have will continue and the memories we share are pretty good to say the least. One statement I have to say. I enojoyed myself very much. :)

Today was a pretty good day.

Summary of the week: Going through some sort of emotional roller coster. Had similar experience before. Let's just say that this time round, I hope I won't make the same mistakes again.

Ouh ya, from the brief conversation I had with my supervisor over the phone this afternoon, I realized how I hate people who stereotype. I ask him whether if it's okay that I take a week off for some camp. And his reply was something along the lines of "no no no. I heard this kind of reasons a lot of times already". I was so damn turn off by his attitude that I had no mood to actually fight for the leave. KNN. Its not like as if I'm lying to him about the camp or what. If he wants an official excuse letter I can produce one for him. And I've already asked my supervisor over at the company and he gave the green light. So I don't really see what's the problem.

Anyway, the camp I'm refering to is Spec Course 2. So ya, I can't go for it. I guess the next nearest camp would be senior spec. We'll see how it goes. One more thing, I would love to say this. That ****(person above) has just live up to his name.

I'll stop here. Too tired already. Need sleep.

So close, yet so far.

Startled.

2008-05-06T21:40:00.001+08:00

That's what happened to me this morning at approx. 0245 hrs. And damn it I couldn't get back to sleep. I was like a 'half-drunk' person, unable to determine which is reality and which is just a dream. 2 thoughts of things were responsible for the attack. Well, I won't go into that. It doesn't matter that much.

My point is, those things/thoughts were so powerful that they actually set me awake despite me being shagged for the day.

Cranky.

That's my current mood for now.

I need my weekends.
Free from stress.
Free from obligations.
In short and in my terms, free from CRAP.

Now I'm the one needing the smiles.

Ironman.

2008-05-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

It was a pretty good movie. I agree that its a tad too long but hey, its the kind of movie that I don't mind watching again. It brought to my attention the art of engineering. TOTALLY COOL MAN! :) Not to mention worthy.

I guess its enough of playtime for the time being. Have to start working out things. I still stick to my stand. Yeah, I shall adopt that position.

Felt my balls evaporized. Crap.

Anyway, I think its enough for me to make it through the days ahead. Don't know how long it'll last.

I'm not even close to being an Ironman. Haiz. Sian.

Happy.

2008-05-04T22:05:00.002+08:00

Moved around alot during the weekend. Kinda sian la...lucky this morning got to sleep more. Slept at 2 plus to wrap someone's present. But it paid off la. Happy with what I did. :D

Was kinda emo just now. Kept thinking of a lot of things. Disappointment about myself and stuff. But I'm ok now. Things look a lil brighter.

In the end, felt kinda happy la. But this month poses a lot of challenges. From school mainly. And people. And myself. Haiz...just got to hold myself I guess.

I've come to a conclusion. I will collect back all the values that I used to stand for. I suppose values are the guiding lights along the road to wherever I want to go. I realized I had lost them for a while. And it lead my life into crashes.

Let me pass this test. Yeah. The test of life.

P.S: Man U vs West Ham match was totally AWESOME!!! I like Tevez's score the best! :D

Work

2008-05-02T23:50:00.003+08:00

Ever felt working with the knowledge of not getting monteray values in return? Well, I'm getting the chance to. I'm not complaining la but it just sucks going to 'work' knowing that you are not going to get paid. I think it feels much worse than a bangla(no offence).

I guess all I can do is to adjust my mindset. Knock my own jelly.

Even though there's no salary for my internship, I'm pretty glad that I landed with this choice because almost everything else seems fine. Surprisingly, getting to and returning from work is not as dreadful as I thought it would be. The people there are great. My supervisor is pretty caring despite being busy with his stuff. And somehow, I'm starting to enjoy my work there. It has only been 2 weeks there but I'm already getting use to the environment. All I hope for now is actually more work to be filled during my hours there. If not the time will pass damn bloody slowly. And then sleepiness sets in. That's the worse part as far as I'm concern.

Yeah. No money back(praying really really hard that they change policy half way >.<). But I'm expecting at least good grades, fruitful and lasting experience and an enjoyable time there. At least give me some of these, I'm a happy man.

Kinda packed for the weekend. I need more sleep. ZZZzzzzZZZzzzZZZZzzZZZzzz

Fall for you.

2008-04-30T20:43:00.003+08:00

Things are beginning to pick up at work. Lesser sleepiness at least. But it seems like I've problems on what to write in my booklet. Its like the book is for Major Project and what me and my friends do everyday is not exactly projects. Perhaps the small 'projects' the supervisors are talking about will be given later. Currently they are pretty busy with their projects themselves.

A funny thing happened at work today. My friend and I was in the storeroom. Then, this friend of mine was trying to carry something heavy and he just blurted out this: Fucking heavy! CCB!
And the next moment, we heard a voice saying: Hey mind your language ah. Its Irene! The secretary. LOL...at that point I was laughing my ass out la...Luckily, she wasn't pissed or anything. And then she kiddingly said, "the walls have ears". Indeed its kinda true. HAHA.

Anyway, the title of this entry is the title of a song by Secondhand Serenade. Yeah, my favourite at the moment. I lost count on how many times I repeated it today. Here's the lyrics.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

3.1

2008-04-25T21:57:00.002+08:00

Just ended my first week at Philips. Ended with a good note today because the whole department(abt 40 plus people) went bowling!

And yeah, so that made today my first time bowling!

And I did okay la I guess. I got my first strike in my third game. And also got 100 points for that game. That's the best I've done la. But during the 2nd game the scoring machine there screwed up la. Sian. Haha...

So far its been pretty mundane la. But that's because our supervisor is not back from overseas yet. Nevetheless, thanks to Ivan(another engineer there) we at least got some things to do. And yeah, I like the working style at Philips. Very flexible. And the people there are not that bad too. :)

I just hope that things will pick up pace by next week. And I've a feeling it will. Partly due to commitment to my diploma club.

Heavy heavy heavy. That's basically the word to describe almost everything. Its so much different from Cambodia. I'm starting to miss that place.

My side of the window.

2008-04-21T00:04:00.007+08:00

Ganbei! Err...that's ice tea by the way. LOL.

Dinner by the river.

Supper @ KFC. Had fun chatting away with good friends and the teachers.

About to depart for Phnom Penh. Its good remembering them smiling at the point of leaving. I can't deny I felt a tad of sadness. I just wish them all the best and may they lead better lives ahead, leaving the endless cycle of poverty.
Ice cream in coconut shell! How unique!
My lecturers, facilitators, mentors, friends. I'm very happy that they were the ones who led the group.
Toot-toot racing!
The gangsters. Seriously, it was a fun experience jay walking with cars woozing pass from almost all directions. What you see here are a bunch of people who are in the middle of a junction where traffic has no 'government'.

Me with my favourites. Haha. :)
Dance dance dance!

Horsing around. LOL.

Having fun.
What the fuck.
Tuol Sleng Museum
Me and lil boy.
YAY!

Sunset 1
Sunset 2
Sunset 3
Our dining area.

The 6 houses.
Solar panels.
On the roof.
Me and house no.2.
The factory.

Ah Nan's flying kick!Pimp? LOL
Scarecrows. HAHA.

Home sweet home.

2008-04-20T11:15:00.008+08:00

Yeah. Though I felt like staying. The life there is simpler. More beautiful sceneries. Cleaner air. Things are cheaper. You can afford a good meal with just 1USD. But of course, its 'just' only for people like us. For people like them, its not JUST 1USD.

I must say the stay there was pretty enriching. Nothing like I've experienced before. The mosquitoes and flies is their form of infantry; the largest force of any army. The project was okay. We did what we could. We ended a day earlier. And yeah, the lights were a success. :)

This time round(as said by Mr Cheah and Mr Andy) the kids were lesser, since its their Khmer new year. Most of them went back to their relatives. It was most unfortunate for the rest as their only home was the orphanage but hey, they got us! :D

Singaporean kids should go there and live their life for a while. Especially those spoilt brats. They'll cry I tell you. Since we left them on Friday morning, I can't help but to be reminded of them when eating my meals. Everytime I eat, this question keeps ringing; what are those kids eating? During our stay there, they told us the food is better when people like us, visitors, came to stay over for while. When we're gone, food will be downgraded back to normal. I can tell you the food wasn't that fantastic even when we are there.

Anyway, my stay there made me feel more thankful that I live here in Singapore. And I'm glad that I went there to contribute to their needs. What we have here such as food, water, decent shelter, proper clothes, education are luxuries over there. So yeah, moral of story, count your blessings.

Enough of that let's move on to a lighter note. I think I'll just go by the pictures.

Don't ask. I don't know what's that. Up to your imagination.

People making a living.

Kids on the streets.

Our bus went onto that ferry and brought us across the river. Cool.

Our room at the orphanage. Its pretty comfortable actually. Air-conditioned.

Sunrise. That's the orphanage from the outside.

Endless view of padi field opposite the orphanage.

Sunset.

Me with Sok Lian.

Drinking sugarcane. I had coke for a change. After that day, I drank at least one sugarcane everyday. My last was on the morning of Friday before we depart for Phnom Penh.Sunlight after the rain.

A typical day travlelling back after work.

Silver lining?

Eating by the roadside at dusk.

My very good mates.

Me and the padi field.

Me and friends!

Satay!

Got potential. Don't get me wrong. I'm no pidofile okay. LOL.

Peeping Tom. haha...

Nostalgic.

Me with some of the guys and Mr Cheah.

That's all for now. Will post more pictures later. Yeah.

I really enjoyed the trip. Thanks for the great time guys! :D If only we could rewind the experience.

Just before.

2008-04-09T18:23:00.002+08:00

I know I said the last entry was the last one before my Cambodia trip but then since then quite a couple of stuff had happened and this is just a quick bite into those things.

Joined my course club after like 2 years in TP?? Hahahaz...but like they say, better late then never right? Anyway, was given a rather big position in the club and I should say the feeling is rather overwhelming. Well, since I'm given the job, I shall just do what I'm expected to do. I'm sure my time being a CLT will help a lot. So I've nothing much to fret.

It's already confirmed. Attachment to Philips will be on for the 3 of us. Initially it was only for 2 but after some discussions, all the 3 of us are accepted. That's good because none of us would have to stay in school ALONE. Yeah. So 21st April onwards, Toa Payoh shall be my 'new campus'. I've a feeling the mornings are going to be much worse as compared to going to school. Anyway, let's be optimistic. 19 weeks will soon be over. Yeah, let's keep that in mind.

I'm just glad that I joined OCP. Forged new friendships. Filled with fun, joy and laughter so far. i hope it just gets better as we move on. The trip is going to commence in a few hours time. Let's do this together and yeah, the ultimate aim is to serve and learn and of course, to enjoy! I'm pretty sure we will. :)

SOLAR 4! PROVIDE THE LIGHT!

..........................................................................................................................................

I guess its the usual mix up. I'm never clear about these things no matter how hard I try. I guess its all just a wishful thinking. I guess I'm just not prepared or good enough to take up that place. And all I can do is to keep guessing.

Since there's not much of what I would say 'encouraging or psotive response', I shall step back and settle for the side lines.

Just dreamt about you this morning. Damn unexpected. The existence of the dream itself as well as the content of it. The 3 words( but in the dream, its 4, LOL) you gifted to me. It struck me to say the least. I woke up almost immediately.

These are just some of the stuff that I want to say. It's not meant to be dramatic or emo-ish. But yeah, I'll just take the back seat for the mean time. If there's something let it unfold itself and if there's nothing, then nothing it will be.

I just hope God sent my feelings to you. And that you smile always too. Yup. That's all.

Let us all be happy! :D

Toot.

2008-03-27T15:31:00.003+08:00

Just some updates.

It has been pretty happening lately. Yesterday watched Step Up 2. Not bad a movie. Dancing can be pretty cool stuff. Went shopping too before the show. Shopped some groceries for the Cambodia trip. And then after movie when going home met some primary school friends at JE. What a coincidence. Hahaz...Anyway one is intending to go America and study medicine the other local uni. Smart people. Haha.

Nothing much to say these few days. Trying to enjoy myself as much as possible. Trying to de-emo myself. But some things just can't be avoided. And some things are just too complicated and not as easy as it seems.

Anyway, this will be last update before the Cambodia trip. Will be flying off on the wee hours of the morning on the 10th of April. Will be expected to land back here on the 19th at 2130hrs. Hope the delay won't be so much when coming back because I have to MRT. Sian. Hope my mp3 still works by then(read:still got battery).

Feeling crappy la these days. But yeah it just means that it'll get better.

Adios.

Note: This is the first entry done in TP! HAHA

i ran

2008-03-18T20:06:00.003+08:00

Yeah. After what felt like eternity, I finally got my ass up and went down to the stadium for a run. And it was both depressing and stress relieving at the same time. Depressed becaused I was damn slow and the stress relieving part, I leave it to you to figure it out. Self-explanatory I suppose. And since its been months since I last had some serious fitness training, I got all the aches. From arms to the legs and most significantly the heart. After 2 laps, my heart was already racing like mad la. That's when the 'stress' starts to seep in. The more I recall about my past fitness, the more drive I get. How can I come to such a disgusting state as this??? :(

Neverthelesss I'm happy that I stood by my promise which was to run this morning. It was mainly because...well, I'll leave that to your imagination. :)

Timur Cina negeri Nanjing,
Pergi ke sana membelah lautan.
Cinta dihati pantang dikering,
Namun masihkah ia punya harapan?

Just practising writing again. :)

Feeling feeling gitu.

2008-03-17T23:20:00.003+08:00

Feeling all weird lately. A few weeks ago, I had these recurrences of static sprinting through me. Felt like some electrical shock or something. For a few days I had to suffer the onset of these weird tinglings( I assure you its more than that; just that I can't find the right word at the moment). Anyway, that's the least of my concerns for now because I don't experience it anymore.

This time I didn't see it coming. I didn't expect anything much. Nevetheless, this heart seems to have a mind of its own. One moment I felt and think its okay, the next minute I'm all restless and worked up. At times its really suffocating. This thing is just exploding, puffing out all inside me. And when it happens, nothing seem to matter. The thoughts just keep ramming, coming crashing inside my head.

I don't want to expect too much lest the higher chances of greater disappointment. Mathematically, expectations are proportionate to amount of disappoinment.

Therefore, I'll just try. I don't want to leave this point thinking, fuck, I should have asked.

So what's the truth?
One sided or double?
A success or a whammy?

Crap. I ain't want history coming back chasing at me. Perhaps the front part of that history. But the remaining let me handle it. Please. Grant me this wish.

Spec Course 1

2008-03-14T23:33:00.002+08:00

I won't say I enjoyed most of it. But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it at all. Being a PC was okay I guess. I did most of the stuff that I set out to do. I don't know about other platoons but I did try putting on high pressure on my guys. Occasionally it happens but what I'm not satisfied is that I don't think I had given enough of it. I find that the platoon still lack the push.

I guess it was my fault because I didn't get myself enough rest. But then again, how much time did I really have. AAR for the day starts at 2230. Ends at least an hour or so later. By the time I finished washing up its around 12. And after which I had some platoon admin stuff to do before I can finally tuck in for the night. That left me with about 4 or at most 5 hours of sleep. I know I usually did sleep that amount of hours outside camp but after a long day's work, I think I need more. Anyway, no excuses la. Next time I'll just try to get more sleep.

I felt damn tired and sleepy most of the time. And so I get irritated damn easily. And I got emo easily too.Its really unbecoming la. Something I need to work on. The course was pretty high on emotions that it reminded me of ADC. It was almost as bad. Anyway, I am just glad that I didn't fuck anybody during the course, be it a CLT or cadet. In fact, I'm the one who felt damn fucked.

Whatever reason it is, its just fucked up.

I do remember that I once said that these days, not only are the cadets fucked up, the teachers are too. Don't worry, CLTs have just joined the club. At one point of time during the course, this statement came into mind: Whatever that can go wrong, had gone wrong. I don't want to elaborate on this la. Just something to take note. Be discreet when talking about the bad side of the CLTs. Watch what,where,when and how you say things.

But the course sort off ended well. God granted my 'last' wish. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

For the course, I think I pity the admin most. I was talking to JY about it one night. We agreed that it was not their fault that the cock ups occur. Its like the whole lot of them are inexperienced. Even though XR has done admin at CF before and did it successfully(as said by Clement), I still think they are not prepared for this one. And its like they are being put in a difficult position: having to meet the standards of the experienced admin members of previous courses but not given enough guidance. Its like being put in a "lan-lan" position. And I guess I really have to apologize for causing the artillery fire on the admin team that night. I didn't mean it of course. All I said was that if the font size could be bigger, it would be easier for PCs. Little did I know such a small comment could trigger to a domino effect of arrow shootings to admin team. Like seriously what the fuck la...its just about the fucking font size. Bloody fuckers...sensitive to oneself but not to others.

This just highlights another point regarding teamwork: Fucking understand other people's position. Yes, people make mistakes and at times it cannot be helped. Just fucking accept it and cover each other's backside la...where's the fucking teamwork when all you want to do is put down others and defend yourself? One word: Self-centred.

I don't know why but I feel emotionally unhealthy attending the course. Somehow I can feel the aura of bad traits like egoism, jealousy, envy, power hungry and etc. And frankly speaking I felt the influence.

Nevertheless, I had seen some good stuff. One vivid one would be the interview process for award winners. The cadets really showed thier passion for NCC to the extent of crying. Boys crying huh. Frankly speaking, I was touched la. Somehow these cadets showed that NCC still produce people who are passionate about what they do. And yeah, I hope these guys will carry on with the same attitude throughou the years. And I didn't expect H to remember what I said to the cadets on the first day, "touch your heart and ask yourself, if you have done your best then the rest doesn't matter."

2Sgt. 3Sgt. SnrCpl.

What the fuck, they are just ranks. You still can make a difference.

Results.

2008-03-09T13:54:00.002+08:00

Before going off for another camp, would like to blog a little. Will be getting my results for 2.2 this thursday, 13th March. I still remember the other time when I received the results, I was in HQ, involved in another camp. So, I guess its a similar situation. Except that this time I'll be in SISPEC. Anyway, I'm hoping to get very good results la cuz this is the second last time my GPA will depend highly on me. During MP-SIP, other factors will play a bigger role and some are not exactly within my control.

But in the end its still up to me la hor.... :)

Yeah, in the meantime, I'll just focus on the coming camp and help to run it well. I really want to be a PC this time beacuse I have not become one before even though I had hold a post as high as 2IC. If given, my goal would be to fry and grill this people so that when they graduate from the course, they'll be able to lead better and at least learn something. Still sticking to my basic reason for becoming a CLT: to make a difference.

But of course, if not given, than I'll guess I still have to take whatever job that is handed to me. Afterall, they always say, no tasks is too lowly for me.

So yep. Results results results. How is it gonna be?

Feb 29

2008-03-05T19:52:00.004+08:00

Watched The Leap Years today at Tampines Mall. I think this is the first local movie that I watched at the cinema. The stroyline and concept is pretty good. Li Lin is still pretty as always and yeah I enjoyed the movie despite the discomfort caused by the cinemas's seats.

I might want to find the novella its based on. Anyway, do catch it.

Before the movie, went to school for OCP preparation. It was alright I suppose. The people seems great to work with. And I was given the job of project IC. Ok la...I don't mind. But I think its responsibilities are pretty heavy. Ouh and I'm also the medic 2IC. So yep. There are preparations that I need to do myself at home. After the Spec Course next week, most days will be dedicated to the project. And just now I was thinking, this coming camp may well be my last activity before my inactiveness steps in. The project will go on till end of April. After which, school will re-open and I will be going for my MP-SIP a.k.a attachment. It will last for 1 sem; all the way till September I think. Hopefully there'll be breaks in between for me to go for NCC activities.

Anyway, before I end off, the movie brought up something that I've been thinking about once in a while. There was this part where Jeremy told Li-Ann something along the lines of, "You're brave and courageous. It's hard to resist the temptation of loving someone for the sake of being with someone. People don't want to be alone."

I don't know. If it's meant to be, then it will be. :)

Edited: Yeah, you look prettier that way. Smiling.

Camp Feast II

2008-03-04T23:45:00.002+08:00

Took up the post as 2IC. It was good working with CM leading the 34 man team. The small hiccups were expected when we set out to decide the people to be included in this camp. About 80% of the instructors came from the latest intake. It was a pretty daring attempt I must say. Of all 6 PCs, 4 were from 54th. Wherelse the higher posts were taken up by seniors.

I think it was nice to see them feeling very enthusiastic and excited about the camp though at some moments, a bit too over-excited. On the whole I think they had done a job well done. There were definitely things that could be picked up and to the new instructors, hope you all learned something and experience the feeling of being a C/Offr.

My post being a 2IC this time was totally different from one of the CF's that I attented holding on to the same post. I felt more lethargic this time round. Somehow I took a more active role in planning and running the camp. It was good practice for me and yes, it gives me more insight of what it takes to be an OIC in a team.

Dealing with stress from above.
Dealing with unfavourable situations.
Dealing with unexpected events.
Dealing with f-ed up people, be it instructors or cadets.

I had my own fair share of mistakes. And it just proves more on the point that no matter how high you are or how much experience you have attained, there's always that room for improvements. That's why I think we as humans have no right to be arrogant with whatever plus points we have.

I find that there are C/Offrs from the newer batch that have the potential to develop more. Hopefully these people will stay and spearhead the activities in West in the coming times.

I wouldn't exactly say the camp ended in a good note. Because we overlooked something that shouldn't have been overlooked. I felt pretty bad about it and yeah, I will remember it.

A concoction of emotions.

GOING YEAR 3 LIAO LA!!!

2008-02-28T23:05:00.003+08:00

Haiz...how can I forget that I already had my last paper which equates to the official last day of my second year? Must be too much thinking about NCC la...haha...I didn't even imagine that I would be this 'busy' doing NCC stuff. But I enjoy doing them. :)

Trainfire today was a pleasant experience. Teachers were co-operative. Especially the one from RV. He up la. He understands our postition and yeah, really treat us like CLTs. One of the few teachers I wouldn't mind doing things for. He even thank us for teaching his cadets. Anyway, since he so good to us, I teach them swee swee la...not that other cadets I won't do the same way but because his attiude towards us is good, its just human nature that I would want to do the same to him. I salute you sir! :)

Plus, his cadets, both boys and girls didn't give problems. And most of them were taught quite well as compared to other schools. The only downside of them is their bearing(some of them) and their marching. But I'm optimistic that they will improve on that. With such a TO with high standards, I think its only a matter of time before they become one of the tops.

Even the teacher in charge of Bukit Batok was okay today. Heard that he wasn't that nice last time. Still can joke with us about some pronunciation of english words. LOL.

Talking about teacher-clt relationship, the last time I remember having a good rapport with them was during my first climb to Mt Ophir as a clt. Maybe there were others after that but not that signicficant la...haha.

Anyway, I think I need to brush up on my trainfire prior to Spec Course. A bit of loopholes here and there during testing just now. Anyway, don't worry la Sgt Eric...I will be kilat once Spec course comes. Hehes. :D

Hahaz...this is more like an entry of NCC than my school stuff. Anyway, back to school, preparation for Cambodia trip will start on the 5th. Will be busy from that day onwards. Hopefully Ben will join us la...he so unpredicatable one. Problem la...

Ok la...before I go, 1 more wish. Hope that they find that Mat Selamat soon. With him on the loose, its quite scary.

Adios. Yankee coy! Zulu coy! Roll out!

Sayang?

2008-02-25T23:07:00.002+08:00

Aku masih sayang- ST 12

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Hardiness.

2008-02-24T00:25:00.003+08:00

I was introduced to the true essence of the meaning of that word from Introduction to Psychology class. And I find that it is an area which is worth dedicating to. Improving on one's hardiness helps alot.

When going back there, I don't see it in them. And I question myself, what should I do to make these people see that they need to have this character. I've tried giving them the heat. But receive negative response. I suppose it's not clear to them its for their own good. Before them lies this one big concrete wall that shields them away from this message.

Actually, there are some other questions.

Weren't the trainings they had supposed to make them more resilient?
What's going to happen to them when they move on to the outside world?
What happened to making do with what you had?
What happened to being strong and facing challenges?

It is not necessarily physical. It's more of the mentality that I'm talking about.
Somehow, when they get 'smarter', they become weaker.

You might escape the heat now. But you may not survive the next one.
Denial is just postponing the problem.

I want to impart, yet they don't want to receive. Anyhow, at the end of the day, I'm not the one at the losing end. You are. You decide guys. You decide.

"Its more cruel out there."
-MSG Chun Keong,
ex-CSS NCC Company Sergeant Major

Geez. Wth.

2008-02-22T20:37:00.002+08:00

I can't resist the need to blog about this. It's just way beyond my expectations. Not at the positive spectrum of it that is.

I thought leaving them would do some good. Initially, I didn't want to but after considering what some people said, I decided. Fine. If you guys want to do it your way, well, I'll just back off. Little did I know that they were going to cross line(or should I say already had). I guess it was a pretty 'good' timing that we came back. To keep ourselves updated that is. I don't know as of now whether it was a personal thing or someone suggested it or whatever else. All I know is that it is blatantly wrong and disappointing. Looking at what post you are holding. Looking at the fact that we entrusted you with the duty to take care of them. The funny thing is, did anyone tried to stop it? Yes? No? I don't know. Have not fully investigated the whole thing yet. I don't intend to. This is the job of the higher authorities. I won't poke my nose into this.

So is this the attention that you wish to get? I should give you guys the title 'outstanding' should't I? A letter from the government sia...not bad lei...

Nevertheless, if found guilty of such charges, I recommend that he be removed from where he is now. Reason: He's too 'dangerous'.

LOL. You know, I seriously don't feel like acknowledging you as a person who exists. I've had enough of your nonsense. Your presence really spoils my day. What have I done to deserve this. I'm not one of your puppets please. I don't allow people to use me. Words, words and more words. That's all there is? I admit I'm not good with words. You do. And I applaud you for that. I am amazed and at the same time bewildered at the magic that you can conjure. Yeah. Somehow I only find your name on my hate list. Well, that's an achievement isn't it?

Therefore, I hope that I won't be able to see you again. Lest, my emotions will run amok and my emotion control system will be deem as unstable. And seriously, just fuck off. Don't bother about me okay.

One more thing. You are the thing that forced me to treat you this way. Yes, I'm a hypocrite. Towards you only. Consider it a special treatment aite. Peace!

You ah. Haiz. Sorry to hear that you kena screwed la. Well, our idea of wake up call didn't work. In fact you didn't even realize it. What to do...Hopefully, this will point to the direction to the people you are suppose to trust and support. You have always wanted things from us. Our time. Our committment. But have you supported our ideas? Suggestions? And again, we don't belong to you okay. We belong to the 'bigger tree'. If things go wrong, don't point at us. If things go well, we are not included as part of it, true?

Haha. Like that want to advance ah? Siao liao la...vomit blood. Lao pee hui. Everywhere also blood. But seriously I don't blame you guys la. 1 training only. 1 ONLY. Some even worse. ZERO. Like that one ah? Wah, you guys damn pitiful lei...must be the CLT la...damn bastard one rite. Don't know how to tell earlier. Also cannot blame the SSGT mah...I mean, he so stressed out. Some more got school work. Got other things oso mah...so ya la...must be the CLT la...haiya...

One word: Excuses.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Don't consider what I've written above la. Just ranting. Petty stuff.

Test today was okay. Can pass la. Got chance to get A also. 1st time went out of the exam class before time's up. Hehe. But stay longer no use la. Brain dead and jammed already. IA IA no feeding. Remedy: Piah the best you can and hope for the best. xD

Oh yes. My statement of the day. I regret going back today. I should have gone HQ instead. :..(

Rah!!!

2008-02-21T23:45:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be my first paper. The toughest of all. I'm kinda ready for it. Nevertheless, I'm not very sure of doing well. This time preparations had been rather skimpy. Suddenly my study week became so busy and robbed me off some time I had set aside initially for revision. Well, life's an irony as they say.

Morale has been low. I don't seem to be looking forward anything. Whatever it is, I'll just keep in mind its only a few more days. After which its party time.

Maybe I'm just tired. Things will get better!!! Yeah. Hope so.

Last day of school.

2008-02-15T23:46:00.003+08:00

I consider today my last day of school.

No more lectures.
No more tutorials.
No more projects.

Well...at least for the time being. Haha. Next week will be study week. Planning to go school to study. The A380 would be a nice place. I've a feeling there'll be a lot of people at the library. Even the better. Then its more likely that the scenery would be much more beautiful. Hehe...if you know what I mean. ;)

This term had started off slow but ended almost badly. My friends and I used to chiong our projects first so that we need not do so much towards the end. But this time, we barely meet the deadline. A bit sian la...But now, can relax a little since the burden of projects has totally been lifted.

Had the first OCP meeting today. Get to know the rest of the team. Some were familiar faces. Anyways, will be working with them soon for a couple of months. THAT will be the next project. But I think I'll enjoy this one la... :)

Ouh ya...also 'celebrated' by eating Lemon Chicken today. I don't think I'll be eating it anytime soon so yeah, took the chance today to savour it. Yeah... :)

Sadly though, god didn't grant me my wish of seeing 5 for the 'last' time. Haiz...sad la. :(

Hockey friendly tomorrow against VJC. Its been a while since I played hockey. I hope I don't faint tomorrow. :P

I guess that's it for today. All the best to those taking exams. :)))

P.S: I'm addicted to D.Gray Man!

Toot.

2008-02-14T21:00:00.002+08:00

Can't think of any title for this post hence just 'toot'. I'll do likewise in future.

Went down to Westmall today with my parents. Luckily the queue wasn't that long though the processing time took quite a while. But well, that's understandable because we were thinking of changing to Mio plan. Hopefully it helps in cutting down the household expenditure. So due to that, my father got a new phone too. SE w880i. Frankly speaking I don't see much difference between walkman phones and the normal SE phones. So why the big difference in costs? Need some enlightenment here. o_O

Nothing much for today.

Have been thinking about this for a while.

Is it worse to be helpless in an unreciprocated love or
not feeling the love feeling at all?

HAHA.

2008-02-04T20:36:00.001+08:00

I attended tutorial today. And I got back my quiz marks. Maybe the good results had me talking a tad more than normal. Scored full marks. Well, I did expected it and that's because I had really studied for the test. Anyway, there are a few others who got full marks too so its not really a big deal.

Anyways, my tutor caught me talking(well, I was sitting in the first row). And because of that he asked me a question probably to sort off prove to me that talking in his class was a really bad idea.

T: Give me the 4 types of controllers.
S: P, I, PI, PID

I thought he would already stop asking but then he persisted. -__-"

T: What does each of them mean?
S: Err... P is proportional, I is integral, PI is proportional and integral and PID is proportional, integral and derivative.
T: Ok he knows his work.

HAHAHAHA. Paiseh la cher....LOL...

But luckily he didn't ask me any further because I would be unable to answer.
And luckily also I suddenly decided to read up before class. LOL. If I hadn't done that, I confirm chop stamp kena screw. :P

I really wish this sem will end faster.

How.

2008-02-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

Fuckhow.

Seriously, this 3-letter word is getting on my nerves. And if I can, I'd already fuck the middle hole of this word. People keep asking me, how how how how. Fuck it la! That's how. Urghhh...

What an irritant.

Learning points from CF:

In the end, you're the one holding the post, you're responsible. That's all there is to it.
Brief your people properly.
Updates to be made known to appropiate people. (Its just like a close loop system and all that engineering shit)
Make your expectations/instructions/explanations clear to the intended people.
Visualize in detail on what's going to happen. Go through your plan in your head and identify problems.
Check out where's the mistake when everything starts to go out of hand. After which act fast.
Inspire/win their hearts/motivate them more instead of just scolding/lecturing/ranting.
Insist on safety. Afterall, you're in-charge.
Make sure your team is covering all areas of operation. Prevention is always better than cure.

Things that are to stay:

Temperament control.
Dealing tactfully with superiors/other personnel.
Not pushing all duties to people under you. Keeping in mind they are not your dogs.
Motivating of cadets.
Enjoying the stuff that you do (emotion focus technique).
Command and control of havoc situations.
Rectifying of problems on the spot.
Listening to suggestions from your people.
Professionalism.

That's for CF 1 '08.

Hope. Faith. Move.

Camp Feast 1

2008-02-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

It has been a tiring week for me. No doubt about that. And only now that I have the time to blog. Let's see why my week had become so happening.

Booked in on Sunday night for CF. HQ felt kinda different. The guard house people were being kuai lan. Even after showing our pass, he still wanted us to sign in. But nevermind...mayb he's a newbie..Ooopss...Then there were wild dogs around, not 1 but a few...can't remember seeing any dogs in HQ other than the Dr A B's dog. The air also felt different. It felt suffocating and the stillness of the whole place just wasn't what I remembered HQ to be.

Anyway, went straight to West office and slacked around. It was still messy as ever. After almost everyone was around, briefing took place at Learning Terrace. Felt out of place and so old because the majority were 54th people. LOL. Like what CM said, "generation gap". Hahaz...imagine that these officers were once your cadets. And some of them or rather a handful were cadets whom we brought to Mt Ophir.

Went back to 245 for the night. Played foosball. Watched football. Ouh ya, and mini golf too. Had loads of fun playing the foosball. Kinda fun and entertaining. Own goals were of higher probability as compared to the real game. Or maybe we were just noobs. LOLs...

Sleeping was a chore. Mosquitoes raided the bunk. It was already almost 4 when we decided to turn in for the night. And had to woke up at 5.30am. And the bloody mosquitoes were giving us trouble. I can't even remember whether I really did sleep. I was probably sleeping half awake. The most horrible thing was that when we woke up, we found out that we need not wake up so early. Reveille was pushed back to a later time without most of us knowing. Haha...felt kinda dumb la...not to mention the lack of sleep.

Inprocessing was okay. Schools came in quite early(read as: none were very late). The cadets did their ice-breakng stuff with their PCs and APCs. Then, lunch came. I nearly lost my cool here. Have you seen people throwing rubbish into a dustbin which is already so full of rubbish. Not only was it full, it was mountain full! No wonder they say, "Treat cadets like idiots." Haiz...And more disheartheningly was that some were instructors. How nice. I don't remember who though. I don't want to. Ordered things to be stop and lectured them a bit. In the end, everything was settled though. Albeit at the cost of being messy and the horrendous, unacceptable sight. FYI, this is the first time in my whole experience as a CLT that I encounter such a degree of filth. Very,very bad. Spoilt. Spoilt children.

After which me and my logistic people went to the bunks to do some checking and settled the bunk allocation. The number of cadets this time amounted to 262. And that's a pretty huge number for CF. Anyway, there were just enough bunks for them.

Dinner came and I was glad that what I said earlier had not been ignored. The cadets proceeded with their cohesion night while I stayed at the Ops Room for a while to collate the bunk allocation documents. Little did I know that there was a typo which had a pretty devastating effect.
After supper all the cadets were at 246 waiting to be briefed. I did my brieifing and started to send them up to their bunks. It was again a very messy process. And somehow the problem of seemingly not enough space for the cadets cropped up again. Everything was so messy that it didn't occured to me to check what went wrong. And after everything was over, my heart sank when I found out that there were 2 empty bunks. 2 bunks that could easily fit 44 cadets. I definitely felt like killing myself. But I laughed it off anyway. LOLs...

Slept at Ops Room for the night. It was a good sleep although the period was not very long. Woke up at 4.30 lazily and went to bath. Shower was good. Freshened me up. Did my morning prayers (the only 1 for the whole camp ): ). Breakfast was readied by my my log ppl. They learnt fast and pretty reliable too. Kudos to them. Welcome to the club!

The cadets did brought down ALMOST all the stuff(blankets, bedsheets,pillow cases) like I've instructed the night before. I was quite happy until I went to one of the rooms and ALL the stuff were not brought down even though they were already packed. -__-"

The cadets went for breakfast before continuing with their activities. Lunch came and the cadets or rather some of them created another big problem. While bringing the rubbish bag to the rubbish dump, a few of them DRAGGED the rubbish bag on the ground. Even after I told them on the spot not to do it, they ignored my words. You no need to be a rocket scientist to predict what happens next. It happened and left rubbish a trail. In the end its me and my Log people who had to get down and clean up the mess. Wth.

Went to collect the blankets and stuff and it was kidna fun. Haha...the log team plus Sgt Eric and the cadet helpers worked swiftly and by about 1 hour everything was settled. :)

After which the log team's work are unofficially over.

Oh yes. I didn't manage to say this but then I'll just say it here. Thanks a lot to those who had helped the log team in their duties i.e the 2 admin members plus the cadet specs W/O being asked. That's nice. Preparing for meals were much faster with their help. THANKS A LOT! Swee swee boh kway chwee. :D

Man this post is getting rather long. The learning points I shall save for another post. Now I'll just summarise the rest of the week.

Wednesday.
Had lab test. Managed to complete in the end. Had a few problems at the beginning. Then stayed back till late due to Psycho lecture. After which went to workshop to do machining. Around 0730 the technician there said just leave the rest to them. We could go home already. Thanks a lot to him. Reached home and just slacked all the way till 11 before catching my favourite anime.

Thursday.
Woke up early to go swimming. On the way, had a change of plans and had to adapt to the situation. Went to extend my passport but they said I had to change to a new book and pay 70 bucks. Wtf. And the lady at the counter was like a little kuai lan. And so I just left la without enquiring much further. I hate talking to kuai lan people...After which went to Beach Rd to help Clement buy his jockey cap but shop close. Went to Mustafa Centre to get my cd, but don't have. Asked a staff there and he just said no without checking. Kuai lan no.2. Rushed home. Went out again to go for IMT. IMT was okay. Normal stuff. Shooting practice for CLTs was cool. Get to shot fig. 15 and moving targets. Cool stuff. Then went to banquet to eat dinner. After which home sweet home.

Friday.
Morning lessons as usual. After that prayers. After prayers had to went back to school to do touch up on the machined parts. Had trouble screwing holes. I suppose human holes would be easier. XD But nvm... Then went home and reached at around 7 plus. Studied for psycho test till 11. Watched another one of my favourite animes. Oh ya...met 5 again today. Alone. Twice. Stunned. And saw her on Wed too. She looked pretty shy. LOL..

Saturday.
Psycho test in morning. Chop chop and then went home. The rest was spent sleeping and TV-ing.

Ok that's about it.

He looks kinda cute doing tt...
Aiya don't say littat la...

LOL..Hehes..Smile more lei...haha

HQ NCC!

Back to HQ.

2008-01-27T00:31:00.000+08:00

Will pop back into HQ tomorrow for the first camp feast of the year. Its been quite a while since I last stayed overnight there. Late nights. Craziness. Havoc. McDonalds. Chilling night winds. Damn-spoilt-no-remote-control-aircon. And a hell lot of other stuff pretty much worth remembering. :)

Anyways, going for the camp meaning taking off from school for a couple of days. Will have a backload of work but I guess I sort off need the break. The different projects overlapping each other these days are taking a toll. Sucks big time. Nevertheless it won't be long till the semester's over. And I'm very much looking forward to that.

Side track a bit. I don't usually adore artists but recently, I can suddenly find interest in Radja, and Indonesian boy band, Anuar Zain and Taufik Batisah. The one common thing I like about them. I can see that they are very sincere and passionate when delivering their music. Cool stuff. And of course their music is great too.

Ok, was talking to Clement on msn and he wants me to write on why/why not should one go for CSS NCC trainings on Fridays.

Let us not concentrate on the answer or in this case the reasons. Let's focus more on the process of arriving at that decision on an individual, personal basis.

Yes>No= Go
No>Yes=Don't Go

1. Do you enjoy being there?
2. Are you needed there?
3. Is it beneficial to you and the people there?
4. Is there a difference if you're there?
5. Will you die if you don't go?

For the record, I'm tired of talking about the above mention issue. I'd rather look at how CSS NCC was in the past. For the present, I'd rather excuse myself.

Shocked.

2008-01-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

Recently I saw the Evo X on the streets.

Next was the latest Impreza.

But hell, today I saw a couple of Golfs and tuned roaring Imprezas within the streets.

Another but. But that was not all.

What really shocked me was the Audi R8 coming out of the multi-storey carpark.

Here you have 1 god damn car which easily costs you hal a mil and blocks of flats which I think costs even lesser. I think I was probably hallucinating. Probably.

Please tell me he doesn't own that shit.

Hehe.

2008-01-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

Actually I got nothing to type about. First week of school is ending and yeah, life's a little mundane.

Watched some documentary just now. And it brought me to realize that the world is actually moving back to its "original" form. Eventually there'll be a day where humans cease to exist. Due to extreme climate which is brought about by the movement of plates. Its pretty scary come to think of it.

And also have been keeping my ears on the radio recently. A few days ago the DJs from Ria were dicussing stuff about men, women and marriages.

Just some rough idea of something that I remember:

Will you willing to be in the state of sharing a piece of bread with your husband/wife?

I don't know what impact the above mentioned has on you but for me it sure reminds me of something. And that is its difficult to find someone who's like that these days. I'm wondering if such love stories will still live on as the world moves on into the years. It's nice to hear of such stuff happening in reality. Sacrifices huh.

Anyway, on a lighter note, I watched "Kiamat sudah dekat". I find it kinda funny la. But a bigger plus point is that the female lead looks damn sweet la. Woots! Hehehes XD

How I wish I have a girlfriend as sweet... :)

07/08

2008-01-01T13:00:00.000+08:00

This year's transition to the next wasn't that a big hoo-ha for me. Just stayed at home and watched TV. Shakthi and Grace told me the hockey peeps are going Clarke Quay to celebrate new year but I gave it a miss as I'm broke. :( Anyway, my mom will give me the nags and so I'd rather not allow it.

I was finding my 2007's resolutions but somehow I don't know what happened it. Anyway, I think what I like about 2007 is that I don't really have major regrets. :) In fact I did some stuff which I had been hoping to do. Let's see some of the major stuff.

1. Joined TP hockey team. Like finally.
2. Went for Brunei Jungle Training.
3. West got champs for CQ.
4. Divert my attention to more impt stuff.
5. POL-ITE games.

The rest I probably can't remember or don't want to.

Actually I see 3 kinds of new years.

1. The normal calendar's new year.
2. The islamic calendar's new year.
3. The school(polytechnic)'s new year. i.e when the next academic year begins

For me the new year that I look forward to most would be the last one. Yeah, a year older in poly means a year closer to graduation. Come to think of it, I can't believe I've made it this far. But hell yeah I did. And I believe I've said that before and will be saying it again when I graduate. :)

So a big hellow to 2008.

Big events forecasted will be the trip to Cambodia. Hopefully I'll go. As in as of now its confirmed but anything can happen right? And I hope to go Endau Rompin at least once before I end my life in NCC. I'm not very optimistic about that due to my programme in 3rd year. Yup.

Resolutions:

1. Prepare for NS. In terms of fitness wise. At least won't go there and struggle that much.
2. Full press on studies since its going to be my last year soon.
3. Do what I want and hell to what others say. Actually, not that many are putting me down but the thought of them is enough to piss me off.
4. And of course, to enjoy myself. :)

Ouh. I realized I've yet to blog about Sunday's outing.

I'll just summarise. Morning was Sentosa outing with West CLTs. It was havoc la but fun. And Sentosa has some sort of babe magnet. It was a good eye therapy for me. But there's one thing I don't like and that is the water! Its freaking salty la...LOL.

Anyway, had to leave early with Shannon. I was off to Shahid's house to get his help with my project and Shannon was off to work. Almost missed the bus stop beacause I was sleeping. Just wake up when the bus pulled over. After some time, finally finished it and off we go to class dinner. By the way, Shahid and his family are nice people. :)

Class dinner was ok. Spent a bomb. I had to resort to using my allowance for January. But anyhow, most of the guys were present and ok la...at least I enjoyed the company. Then me and Shahid left first. He wanted to reach home early and I was just too tired.

To the guys going NS. Enjoy and have fun! That's the only way to reduce the struggle. Hahaz...

I suppose I'll never am able to forget.

Another movie II.

2007-12-28T00:54:00.000+08:00

After my project meeting today I went to watch I Am Legend with Fizah and Willy. It was a pretty great movie I guess. But pretty saddening and thought provoking too. What I like about movies that stars Will Smith is that there's always that tinge of humour. Subtle and enough. Swee...

Had dinner at Ramen Ten after waiting for KS. And they actually forgot our order. -__-" That kinda pissed me off but then I was too hungry and tired to be angry. Just lost the appetite to eat but nevermind. The food was so-so I guess. But I suppose the movie earlier and the company made up for it. And after eating had tummyache again. Oh wells.

I don't know why but I'm having second thoughts of going for class gathering. Maybe because I've this thinking and feeling that not many will turn up. And in the morning there's West outing at Sentosa. Great. Money. Money. Money.

Feeling a little irritated these days. Project is only so-so. Holidays are ending soon. Once school re-open there's gonna be a quite rush of things and I heard that Monday is half day. Like what the F____. Whatever la...

I just feel like shouting out loud. F____ Y__!!!

Ok I'm off to experimenting some project thingy or probably go sleep la. Tomorrow is another round. Inevitable. Still need to do ppt. Bleah.

Chill out. Just take a break and...listen?

Gah. Mr Hols, you left too early.

2007-12-25T01:06:00.000+08:00

Ok, not that I'm not enjoying my hols but then I've got projects to complete and frankly, I'm not quite sure if I/we can complete it. Oh wells, will make it simple yet sharp and impactful. And a week of I-thought-I-can-slack-through will become otherwise.

Today, spent almost the whole day out looking for camera and I'm satisfied with my purchase. Cheap la but it fulfills my needs so its a thumbs up. Anyway, in the midst of getting one, encountered some bad tummy ache which I've never ever felt in my life. Luckily I could reach home on time. I think I'm having some sort of mild diarrhoea. Hope I feel better for the coming days or else I'm in deep shit. Especially the project.

And my cousins are here to stay for the night. Yeah, adorable kids yet irritating at times.

Let me see.

Tuesday : Stay at home. Hope I'll fill my time doing productive stuff.
Wednesday : Project meeting. Most likely to occupy the whole day. And perhaps the coming
days as well.
Thursday : Meeting with H, W, KS for dinner. Before that, to NCC HQ. This shouldn't be
happening but well, shit happens.
Friday : Possibly project.
Saturday : Possibly project again.
Sunday : 4/3 dinner.

Ok la...not so tight a schedule, now that I've typed it out.

Oh holy cow shit. Now I remember. One more project! Rah!!! But this should be fun. It includes soldering. And I think if the guys wanna meet it will be on Thurday. Now THAT's bad. But stll can make it la...if not then have to compromise a bit here and there.

I guess it all boils down to how you want your life to be. Everyday, we have choices to make. And that choices we make, will determine our happiness. There are a hell lots of challenges in life. A hell lots of mountains to climb. And then comes the question, which mountain do YOU want to climb?

Definitely you can't do all. And definitely some have to be side stepped. Just ask yourself is the top worth the climb?

Define your own life. To hell with people's negative comments, trying to put you down and what not. You're not here solely to please them. You can't let them define YOUR life.

Jerks are meant to be ignored. Ignorance is a powerful tool.

Another movie.

2007-12-21T00:35:00.000+08:00

Went out with my hockey peeps on Wednesday. Was there early so I went to look around at Borders and listen to some songs. Cool technology they have. Anyway, finally met Grace and Pradap and went to get the tickets first.

Was to watch Golden Compass at first but because some of the guys were late, we had to get another movie which is National Treasure! Damn good la...Well, I expect it to be because the first one was. I find the President's secret book to be interesting. And the man himself is cool. And yeah. Its worth the money, though we didn't really pay for the tickets. LOL.

After the movie, walked to Cine from Lido and man, I hate the crowd, though I know that's not the full strength yet. Weaved in and out and finally reached our destination. Had dinner there and headed home soon after.

Yep. Just another short post.

Excellent day out.

2007-12-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

Met the guys at school's A380 cockpit. Was supposed to discuss on our project but we were hungry so we hopped down to Mensa for early lunch. I bought chendol for dessert and it tasted horrible. Well what do you expect of a 60 cents chendol, rite? Anyway, after that went back to library and started to think again on our project.

After a while, I was bored and then I played with Ben's phone. Accidentally pressed something and suddenly the music of Sean Kingston's Beautiful girls filled the air. And almost instantaneously the group sitting behind me sang to the song. LOL. Kinda funny while it lasted.

And then at around 2 we decided to call it a day and made our way to Tampines central. Eventually decided to follow Marcus and John to Sim Lim. Its been a rather long time since I went there and I need to check out some stuff too. And voila! 15 is still working there. Plus, it turned out to be John's friend! LOL.

Anyway, after Nat(new friend!) arrived we went to watch Alvin and the chipmunks! Hahaha...damn good movie except that the ending is a bit disappointing. I find it a little too sudden and short. But overall it was good!!! Would love to catch it again. And yeah, they're damn cute alright. Hahaz... :D

That's all for today. Hope to have sports class gathering soon. I think Tuck Wen is organizing. :)

Gatherings.

2007-12-15T14:20:00.000+08:00

Ended term tests on Thursday. Won't worry about the outcome since its all done and over. I'll just see what results I produce. Expecting pretty extreme marks though.

Anyway, after the last paper went over to J's house to play PS3! So good sia...haha. Graphics is damn nice and it uses wireless controllers! But the downside is there's no vibration effect. Didn't get to stay very long there because I was going to meet my primary school friends and so off I went.

Met JH at Orchard mrt first and then made our way to Cineileisure. Went to watch the movie Warlords. I find the storyline rather disappointing and boring. Nevertheless I liked the fighting scenes. The exciting part was at the beginning and towards the end it was kinda predictable.

After that we went to BB to eat. The food was not bad and I like the ice mochachocolate with cream. Taste great. And as any other gatherings we talked about a hell lot of bullshit and took our time to catch up with one another. We stayed there for quite long before deciding to go home.

Next day was class gathering again! It was quite a good turnout I guess. Went to vivo and slacked at the deck overlooking Sentosa. It wasn't long after that that we went to eat at Banquet. I think the food there looks delicious and so I was spoilt for choice. I should go there and eat again and try the others. David had a great time lauging cum rolling one the floor(sort off literally). And yeah, after which the few of us went to play pool at JE before going home.

From the gatherings I realized a number of friends are either already overseas or going to.

Dhruv -----> India before studying in KL.

Xingzhou -----> Scotland and studying at UK or some Europe country.
Kai kok -----> Johor.

I think there are others who has already gone abroad la but I cant' recall. Whatever it is, I wish them all the best and stay true to themselves. Because from these few gatherings as well, I was brought to attention some people who are having turnaround effects in their lives. And its from good to bad. So yeah. Hope all of them will be fine.

Great stuff.

2007-12-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

You know how they always say, good things must share? Haha...at least that's what me and my friends say to each other at times.

It was a last minute plan to go and send off the Bruneians this morning. Even though I did felt kinda tired and lazy in the morning, I decided to go because who knows when I'll be able to see them again? Plus, they told me on msn that they were coming so yeah, at least show them that I remembered them la...lol. Didn't manage to spend time with them so this is the least I could do. Seeing them off on their last day.

First paper today was terrific. Seriously. No sarcasm. Like what J said, it really happened. Most of us only took about half the time to complete the paper. By half an hour almost half the class is empty. LOL. It was kinda easy. Perhaps that's because I went through my work a lot of times. Anyway, am very happy with the paper. Hope to get A lo...

And I got a new phone today. Went to TM to upgrade. K630i. My last Sony Ericsson phone was a T630 which is about 3 years back. 630 huh? What a coincidence.

And the last good thing that happened today was I saw 5!!! After the paper, it was fate that made it possible...LOL And we made a big u turn just so that we could see her longer and clearer. HAHA. Mischief at play.

That's about it for now. Hols will be a good break and also a good time to settle all the piling projects. Yeah. Can't wait for next semester. OCP. :)

Of nonsense.

2007-12-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

The other day when I went for Friday prayers, I was reminded again of something that irritates me. Almost every time before the prayers start, we would be reminded to switch off or turn our mobiles to silent mode so that it will not disturb us during praying time. And almost every time too that I hear a ringtone coming from within the mosque. This just shows how ignorant can people be huh.

I feel like I'm put onto a spot where its a lose-lose situation. If I come back and try to do something, things will most probably get ugly and I don't think the situation will get any better. On the other hand, there's no one else who will do something about it. Yes, I have decided to "wash my hands" off it but not entirely. My last hope. Is the juniors. What I wish to do is to come back whenever I can only to help my juniors. Give them the right stuff when they are young and hopefully, they will be able to take care of themselves when they proceed on.

Frankly speaking, it was a waste of my time to go there. The usual shit. The usual nonsense. What's been said is like "duh!" and seriously, it was a typical "talk cock sing song no action" kinda thing. The whole thing was not beneficial to anyone. And so much for leading them into the correct path. No substance. Only nonsense. Unnecessary.

Haiz...How I wish I can find people who share similar thoughts and mindset. Even if its 1 person its already good enough.

Soccer tomorrow. 1st paper on Tuesday. Hell.

Munajat Cinta
By Ahmad Dani

Malam ini, ku sendiri,
tak ada yang, menemani,
seperti malam-malam,
yang sudah, sudah

Hati ini, selalu sepi,
tak ada yang, menghiasi,
seperti cinta ini,
yang s’lalu, pupus

[Chorus:]
Tuhan kirimkanlah aku,
kekasih yang, baik hati,
yang mencintai aku,
apa adanya

Mawar ini, semakin layu,
tak ada yang, memiliki,
seperti, aku ini,
semakin, pupus

Decorate my life.

Lovey-dovey

2007-12-06T02:44:00.000+08:00

0628. That was the time I saw when I woke up. Startled, I jumpd out of bed and already planned to get out of the house in 15 mins time. Surprisingly, I wasn't that kan chiong and that allowed me to get things into place. I was late for school but not that bad la. Perhaps about 10-15 mins?

Anyway, I got another surprise when I entered class. I got back my NetFund Quiz marks and scored 9/10. Wohoo. Nevertheless, I know myself that I wasn't that confident of my answers so there's still work needed to be done.

Lesson ended an hour later. Slacked at the library watching Discovery channel. It was so comfortable that we decided to skip the rest of the day's lectures. Imagine skipping lessons during the week before term tests. LOL.

Circumcision was the main highlight throughout our stay there. It was a documentary on circumcision in Malaysia. I just got to realise how the guys feel about it. I mean those who don't have to go through it. Even though I told them, anesthetic would be given to ease the pain, my friends still think its kinda scary. Hahaz... Well, been there done that. And looking back at it, its not that bad afterall. We had fun watching because the guy in the documentary was scaring the young boys away saying stuff like using chainsaws and that if you go clinic they would use hammer instead. LOL.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't understand why I've come to such a point or rather a state. A state whereby my feelings for this certain group of people are being very fluid. I've come to question myself. Can love be shared? It is a condition I've never thought of having to deal with. Its very weird and at times worrying. Worrying because there seems to be a 'playboy' element in the issue. To make it simple, I'll rest on the following as to what is happening.

My heart is not able to decide and stay on someone.

Nevertheless, its not yet that complicated to sound the red alert. So I guess its still fine. Anyway, I've already promised to myself that this won't be my area of focus for the time being.

Still on the topic, I didn't manage to see her today. And I guess the time I saw her last Monday is the 'finale' for this year. Because this week is my last week of school. Hopefully still can see her next year. Because it lightens up the mood a bit. At least won't feel so sian in school. :)

Just to keep things straight, I'm not having serious feelings for anyone as of now. Though I still remember the past occasionally. I realized I've no choice but to live with it.

In tribute to no.5, a white rose.

Finally back.

2007-12-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

Went for NCC 4th Dining in. Had problems before the event but it all ended pretty well. Thanks a lot to Clement for dragging me there. Almost didn't go. It was an eye opener, literally. Haha.

It was a pretty traditional kinda thing. And its very formal. For a person like me, I will evade all formalities as much as possible but for this, its different. I wanted to experience it while I still have the chance to because the next probable chance I have to attend a military dining-in would be if I complete OCS.

It was great meeting some old friends and I realized not alot of 51st CLTs were left active. And somehow this reminds me to treasure whatever time I have left with these people before I really go *POOF*. It is something that cannot be helped unless I give bo chap attitude towards my schoolwork.

Spent some time talking to the higher officers there. And talked a bit more to CPT David. Somehow after all the b****ing about him and stuff, I find him quite alright la...I don't find him that bad after all. Just know how he works and act accordingly. :)

Also managed to saw Wenting. 2nd white stripe already. Perhaps going to be commissioned pretty soon, maybe a few months to come. Wow. Just wish her all the best. And she's already gone airborne while in NCC. And she was from JJC. I wonder how she managed to pull such a stunt. Well, not impossible la come to think of it.

Alright, lets cut the crap and move on to photos! Aww...I still haven't receive the photo of the waitress. I told you it was an eye opener. ;)

Me trying to be cheeky. LOL.

51st CLTs!

West CLTs!

CSS CLTs!

Me with Joan(she's from SwissWinds...they rox!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Went to Jewel Box at FCP. I think the setting of the place is damn nice though its a bit dark. Kidna romantic and I think its one of the best place for couples. Basically enjoyed myself with the hockey peeps. Laughing till I felt like my stomach bursting. LOLz....

Its been quite a while since I saw some of them. Especially the girls. LOL.

Anyway, I spent a bomb. Well expected la. And then we took the cable car! First time lei...haha...it felt so good to be high up in the air. A preview of airborne course I guess. Haha.

Family is away on vacation at Malaysia. I'm stuck alone at home. :( If not for school, I would have joined them. Anyway, I hope they enjoy themselves and return home safely. Till, Wednesday, I'll be so lonely at home. :(

Ok folks its time for me to hit the bed. If not I god knows what time I'll be waking up tomorrow.

Of movie quotes.

2007-11-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

...its about the man next to you, and that's it.

Colonel! Colonel! They're shooting at us!
Well shoot back!

-Black Hawk Down

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.

- Batman Begins

You.You.You. You?

2007-11-24T12:18:00.000+08:00

It seems that there are a bit more people visiting my blog. Particularly from overseas. But I can safely say that they are just passer-bys. Nevertheless thanks for dropping by. (But don't leave your droppings behind please.)

I'll go straight the point. Someone out there is reading my blog and I suppose he/she is trying to do it anonymously. Well, that's no problem for me seriously. But I do wish that this person(s) at least leave some comment of some sort. I'm just curious to know who you are, be it a guy/girl.If not your real name at least a clue or something. I'm just curious to know. I'm directing all this to you reading excluding Clement la because I know he do drop by once in a while. And if you really, really, really don't feel/want to, well just let the matter rest. I'm not so uptight about it anyway.

And I changed my URL not really because I want to 'run away' from others or keep my blog a secret. Its just that the previous one is a bit too corny for me and I think its time I grow up a bit. And why underground? That's because most of the time, I'd rather look at people instead of them looking at me. :)

Cheers! Do keep reading my blog! And do tell me who you are! :D

Coincidence? Fate?

2007-11-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

Just a week ago I gave up the idea on trying. I just felt it was too f***** up.

But unexpectedly, I'm presented with new information today and hell. It really set me thinking. Should I or should I not?

Why must it be she was/is in b***?

Ok, maybe that can be overlooked.

But the same play thing?

Due to that my heart is more willing to believe that its more than just coincidence.
What's all these suppose to mean? To go for it would mean to be more likely of making a new mistake. To stop right here would mean more likely of repeating a mistake.

But that's not the primary issue right now. The thing is, should I open up the chances? Even, the number was found out.

The network is up.

Now its time to decide.

To start or not to start.

Frankly, what's bothering me is the previous.

G forces.

2007-11-21T00:49:00.001+08:00

I'm not talking about the forces of physics here though I won't deny the 'high' feelings that I experience upon 'contact' with Gs. Don't attempt to read on if you don't understand. Its just a personal note for myself anyway. :)

Recently, there are a handful of Gs that cross my life and it somewhat set off ripples of emotions. Somehow, new ones keep coming up and replacing and it throws me into confusion. Not that I have a clear chance but then again, looking at them is enough to make my day.

Like today, there was this particular G which was alone and wow...The look of innocence just melts me. The rosy red cheeks. Simply... I'm lost for words. And M told me that we had already seen her since Year 1 but hell, I can't remember. But what I know is that my attention is surely grabbed by this one. And the number 5 is being given.

Another G is from P class. I can still remember the sheepish smile thrown to me last week. Whoo...so much for Psychology. This is definitely a vivid memory. No retrieval cue required.

And before P lecture, saw 15. As usual, I pretend not to see her though I think she saw me. I simply walked pass without looking. I always payback what's given to me. Ignorance with ignorance. And I that's just where my strength lies. Ignorance. And hell, who was that bloody kuku who shouted my name and say I sucks??!!! Being in Business school when that happened was already bad enough. The crowd that was there at the concourse plus 15 being close-by??? What the heck??? LOL... Thanks to whoever that guy is now people know my name la huh...

I wish to see 5 again! RAH!!!!

New world.

2007-11-18T19:48:00.000+08:00

Recently, I went out with my friends till late. I've no problems with that but I think my parent's do. So last night I asked them how was it. And somehow their response was not as bad as I expected. Indirectly, they allow me too but in cases like these I wouldn't want to push it too far. Like what I told D, I'll have to take it slowly, gradually. If there's a sudden change in activity, my parents might have negative thoughts about me. Besides, I don't have the money to spend on all this. Once in a while would be okay.

Maybe one day I'll be there. But definitely not so soon.

SCC is a cool place to chill out. Talked a hell load of bullshit and stuff. Hahahaz...enjoyed myself.

I'm anticipating a lot of activity in December. Term tests,(I think my quizzes tomorrow are screwed..lol), NCC, probably catch up with my secondary school friends and perhaps go for the hockey outing on e 2nd of Dec. Still got stuff like projects that needs to be done. I'm also expecting more clashes. Which as always, sucks.

Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.
Discipline.

Its all over.

2007-11-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

All 4 games had come to an end.

1 win.
2 draws.
1 loss.

That results in us TP getting 3rd placing. Well, 3rd out of 5 schools. Nothing much to be proud of.

But for me, there are things to be proud of. Personal achievements. Did played it cool for most of the time. Nevertheless, I think I still need to brush up on my basic skills like trapping the ball dead, hitting and so on.

Picked up meaningful stuff here and there. I'll just summarise them into points.

- Pressure. Give it to people(in competition context) and when you receive some, fling it away. I've come to realize that the only pressure there is, is from yourself. Whatever pressure you receive from others has to come through you. And then comes 2 choices: 1) Push it aside. 2)Convert them into pressure for yourself. And subconciously most of the time, people will tend to follow the latter.

- Anger won't help you. Infact its detrimental to you and in this case, the team. Oh well, what's done is done. I don't disagree with the coach's decision.

- Remain optimistic. That's what W told me. As a forward, be optimistic. Quoting from him,"You have to think that everything is beautiful. You have to think that the ball will always come to you and therefore be ready for the passes."

I am looking forward to next season. Till then its time for me to properly build up my fitness and skills. We'll come back stronger. And I think the team needs to put in more commitment in the team through out. I think we are lacking in that and that's why we are not that comfortable playing with each other.

Hopefully, we can make it to champions next year. Because only the champions matter.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With all the hockey frenzy over, its time to go back to studies. And I think I'm in deep shit. Missed a lot on lessons. And term tests are like just few weeks away? I better get my ass up and running.

Why do Gs come and go? Like...haiz...maybe I'm just not fully ready afterall. I guess I'll just stand at the sidelines and see others play. I must say recently I felt like hopping in but then circumstances are pulling me away.

Cock up.
Damn cock up.

A piece of good news for me. According to recent self-analysis, I'm gaining more confidence hence being more decisive.

I'm cool. :)

When will I see your face again?
By Jamie Scott and The Town.

Enjoy.

2007-11-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

Yeah. Went out yesterday with my hockey mates(guys and girls) to visit Loga's house with Deepavali being the occasion. I was rather excited since I'm venturing into a relatively new place. Whampoa area. Seems kinda different from other Singapore estates. Cool stuff.

After slacking there for hours, we made our way to Pradap's house for dinner! At Sengkang sia...and that was the last house so I had to leave from there. More on that later.

At his doorstep there was this drawing and we were not suppose to step on it or something. Well, it looks too pretty to be stepped on anyway. Some kind of religious thing. Oh, and something funny happened. Went I saw Pradap's father I think he said " Hi uncle." LOL. I got look so old meh...walao...haha... anyway his parents are kinda nice la...they keep assuring me that the food is halal and say its from ntuc and stuff...lol...kinda funny when I look back.

Actually I was more happy because I talked/disturbed more to the girls today than during training days la...haha... :D

And then its going home time. Took 161 to Woodlands as advised by Shakthi. Thanks to him my journey home was not that long. :) The bus took the TPE and SLE that's why it was quite fast.

NCC workplan seminar today. Met Clement to have breakfast first and didn't expect to see ahem ahem... the usual stuff...probably I wasn't fully awake yet that's why I was a bit blur...LOL. Haha, weird la the girl and it wasn't my intention to sit at a place where I could see her in full vision. Haha. And no, I bought hotcakes meal because I want it and not because she bought it. Not like I knew what she was eating when I ordered. LOL. Nevertheless very happy la. Haha. :) Then Mr Faizal was already waiting to pick us up and I sort off gobbled my food and ciao. Was a bit sudden ah...

It was totally boring la the whole thing. The only a bit more ineteresting was by the Director of Nexus. Other than that, I think I dozed them off. :O

And even more funny was what happened after that. We were supposed to take a bus to visit the Army Museum but then we "turtle away"(in West district terms) and went for lunch outside.

With all due respect but today I find that the teachers are not as old as I thought they were. The way they disturb each other. The way they talk. The things they do. I just sat there giggling inside. Hahaz...

Something that I've been reminded by what others say, "The women folk add colours to life."
Haha. So true. I'm a happy man. :)

2nd Game

2007-11-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

ITE vs TP

Scoreline: 1-1

At least I felt more composed today.
At least I received a smile today.
And that really sum it up that today isn't that a bad day.

Like what coach said, "Its going to be a rough ride."